Our Creation Scientists are presenting a series of informative lectures on cosmology from a biblical perspective each Friday Night from &:30 10:30 pm in the Fred Nile Auditorium. Everyone is urged to attend. Bring along an unsaved evilooshunist.
Deacon Wayne Slugg has started our very own True Christian Golf Minastry. These Jesus Golf Balls are substituted for any ball that a golfer hits off the fairway. The member of the ministry then throws the Jesus Golf Ball onto the green. A great way to witness for the Lord!
Our creation scientists have been able to get a picture of baby Jesus while he was 7 weeks old in Mary's womb. Even at this stage he was holding everything together as Colossians 1:17 says "in (or by) Him (Jesus) all things hold together."
Decorate the tree in your yard with a huge plastic glow in the dark Jesus to show your neighbours that you are a true Christian. This life-like Jesus is four times the size of a normal person and comes complete with a movement sensor sound system that repeats the cries of anguish from the cross in 400 watt stereo as Jesus dies in agony. Awesome! Order today from our Biblestore.
* Actual Communion / Lord's Supper / Eucharist "meal" may be different than pictured and consist of a small dry piece of bread and a plastic thimble of watered down grape juice. Offer only valid for true Christians. Contains artificial preservatives and nuts. Plastic thimbles must be returned after use.
Colin Neel from the Maitland Societyoffartists kindly donated his painting entitled "God Sleeping On A Boat" so we could auction it to raise funds for our church extension - The Honorable Bob Gaggin Chicken Wing - which will cater for needy retired politicians and rich businessmen. The reserve price is $729,950 and the auction will commencve directly after the collection of tithes, offerings and love gifts on Sunday.
The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Witnessing Team have been active in Maitland Park and proved the sign to be correct. A dozen members of our Witnessing Team began vomiting after consuming a healthy chicken and prawn salad Helen Mooning had made with assistance over the last three days by members of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Incontinent Pensioner Club. The secular humanist doctors at the hospital said it was because of faulty food preparation as the chicken and prawns were left in the sun for several hours but Pastor Dale K. Whangke had a word from the Lord that said the sinful pagans that we were witnessing to made us sick - just like the sign said! Praise the Lord. Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members are reminded that tithes are still due even if a loved one is laid up in hospital as a resuolt of this witnessing campaign.
Pastor David A. Mooning was the awesome Guest Minister at the awesome Exciting Men's Bible Camp this weekend. We learnt how to be awesome real men for Jesus by voting for the Liberal Party and triple tithing. An awesome time was had by all!
Cecil Sawyer won the Lucky Door Prize of a free McJesus Meal but donated it to the hungry starving people in China who only have Chinese food to eat. Praise the Lord! Awesome!
Pastor Dale K. Whangke's new parrot, "Polly The Pente Parrot", is now a member of the Greetingt Team at Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Polly greets people at our entrance with:
- Praise the Lord!
- Glory to the Lord!
- Bless the Lord!
- Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
- Praise! Praise! Praise!
- Pay your tithes or Jesus won't bless you!
- Pay a triple tithe and Jesus will bless you twice as much!
- Are you a true Christian? Turn or burn!
- Get lost you secular humanist evilooshunist pagan, you!
Pastors Vaughan & Ellen have produced miracles by excorcising malignant demons of flatulence. Buy their new best smeller "The Bible Cure For Flatulence". Available at our Biblestore for those wanting a miracle cure for their problem.
A photo of Pastors Vaughan & Ellen in action!
"Come out, thou foul malignant demon of flatulence!"
Next week's Feature Sermoan will be by the award winning visiting minastry of Pastor Fark on "True Christian Luv". His cds, dvds, books, T-shirts and blessings will be available at our Biblestore after the service. Pastor Fark won the "Feel The Anointing Award of 2008" and "Best Hellfire Sermoan of 2008"
Be prepared to meet Jesus in the sky at the Rapture in a genuine Jesus Space Suit. 5% discount from our Biblestore for those who have attended Wyrst Pentacostal Church more than 5 times each Sunday for the last 10 years.
This week's sermoan by Pastor B. "Parra" Noid was on how to combat evil and bind evil spirits by making the sign of the cross in the presence of the secular humanist evilooshunist pagan who annoys you.