Recent responses to Wyrst Pentacostal Church

"Awesome! Awesome! Totally awesome!"
"I could feel the anointing."
"Everything I wanted to hear."
"Truly biblical."
"Praise the Lord!"
"Where's the Gents?"

New medication by Creationist Doctors!

Creationist Doctors from the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Medical Minastry have a new product that will cure all your ailments. Imported from the USA. Available now at our Creationist Chemist.


New Christ Bread!

The Wyyrst Pentacostal Church True Christian Bakery Minastry now has new Christ Bread available for all members at a reduced price with any purchase of the Waitland Muckery.

Cosmology Classes For All!

Our Creation Scientists are presenting a series of informative lectures on cosmology from a biblical perspective each Friday Night from &:30 10:30 pm in the Fred Nile Auditorium. Everyone is urged to attend. Bring along an unsaved evilooshunist.

New poster at our Biblestore!

Biblestore patrons are now able to purchase a Jesus Poster for their secular humanist acquaintances who are Superman fans. Supplies are limited. Buy one now!

True Christian Golf Minastry

Deacon Wayne Slugg has started our very own True Christian Golf Minastry. These Jesus Golf Balls are substituted for any ball that a golfer hits off the fairway. The member of the ministry then throws the Jesus Golf Ball onto the green. A great way to witness for the Lord!

Picture Of Baby Jesus

Our creation scientists have been able to get a picture of baby Jesus while he was 7 weeks old in Mary's womb. Even at this stage he was holding everything together as Colossians 1:17 says "in (or by) Him (Jesus) all things hold together."

Bible launched into space!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church is the very first church in the world to launch a bible into space. Our bible satellite will be able to beam bible verses to the whole world 24 /7 for small fee.


Decorate the tree in your yard

Decorate the tree in your yard with a huge plastic glow in the dark Jesus to show your neighbours that you are a true Christian. This life-like Jesus is four times the size of a normal person and comes complete with a movement sensor sound system that repeats the cries of anguish from the cross in 400 watt stereo as Jesus dies in agony. Awesome! Order today from our Biblestore.

Who To Vote For In The Local Council Elections

Wyrst Pentacostal Church only endorses this right-wing conservative true Christian Party. Party includes free Jesus Paper Hats.

You can also rent this party through the Church Secretry at our office. Pastor Dale K. Whangke is a member of the clown troupe. Ask for it by name .....

Come, join us at the Lord's table!*

* Actual Communion / Lord's Supper / Eucharist "meal" may be different than pictured and consist of a small dry piece of bread and a plastic thimble of watered down grape juice. Offer only valid for true Christians. Contains artificial preservatives and nuts. Plastic thimbles must be returned after use.


Invite someone to our church!

This Week's Sermoan

Grab a milkshake at our Biblestore!

Milkshakes at our Biblestore are made from 100% pure holy cows raised on our own Dairy Minastry Farm in Maitland. Our milk is not contaminated by secular humanists.

"God Sleeping On A Boat" Painting To Be Auctioned

Colin Neel from the Maitland Societyoffartists kindly donated his painting entitled "God Sleeping On A Boat" so we could auction it to raise funds for our church extension - The Honorable Bob Gaggin Chicken Wing - which will cater for needy retired politicians and rich businessmen. The reserve price is $729,950 and the auction will commencve directly after the collection of tithes, offerings and love gifts on Sunday.


Winessing in Maitland Park Makes Witnessing Team Sick

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Witnessing Team have been active in Maitland Park and proved the sign to be correct. A dozen members of our Witnessing Team began vomiting after consuming a healthy chicken and prawn salad Helen Mooning had made with assistance over the last three days by members of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Incontinent Pensioner Club. The secular humanist doctors at the hospital said it was because of faulty food preparation as the chicken and prawns were left in the sun for several hours but Pastor Dale K. Whangke had a word from the Lord that said the sinful pagans that we were witnessing to made us sick - just like the sign said! Praise the Lord. Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members are reminded that tithes are still due even if a loved one is laid up in hospital as a resuolt of this witnessing campaign.

Exciting Men's Bible Camp

Pastor David A. Mooning was the awesome Guest Minister at the awesome Exciting Men's Bible Camp this weekend. We learnt how to be awesome real men for Jesus by voting for the Liberal Party and triple tithing. An awesome time was had by all!

Cecil Sawyer won the Lucky Door Prize of a free McJesus Meal but donated it to the hungry starving people in China who only have Chinese food to eat. Praise the Lord! Awesome!

Jesus Sunglasses

Just the thing for your Dad on Father's Day! 2% discount at our Biblestore for all triple tithers

Notice To All Deacons

When on Toilet Duty please ensure all toilet rolls are presented in the correct Jesus style as above.


"Half A Brain Preaching" by Pastor Buck

An exciting new book in our Biblestore by Pastor Buck who had a frontal lobotomy last year and still manages to preach five times every Sunday. A must for all staff members on minastry teams!

Become certified as a True Christian

Become a certified true Christian with our True Christian accreditation program for all triple tithers. A great benefit for an extra tithe! Contact the Church Secretary for details.


Pente Polly The Parrot

Pastor Dale K. Whangke's new parrot, "Polly The Pente Parrot", is now a member of the Greetingt Team at Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Polly greets people at our entrance with:
- Hallelujah!
- Praise the Lord!
- Glory to the Lord!
- Bless the Lord!
- Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
- Praise! Praise! Praise!
- Pay your tithes or Jesus won't bless you!
- Pay a triple tithe and Jesus will bless you twice as much!
- Are you a true Christian? Turn or burn!
- Get lost you secular humanist evilooshunist pagan, you!

Jesus attends our church service!

Creationists prove Bible verse to be true!

Creationists have proven this Bible verse to be true ....
Deuteronomy 14:7 "Nevertheless these you shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of those who have the hoof cloven: the camel, and the hare, and the rabbit"

They have discovered this rabbit which chews the cud and has cloven hooves.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bible

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bible has many advantages over other Bibles.

Our Bible is fireproof!

Our Bible contains a real "Sword of the Word" for rightly dividing between true Christians and secular humanist evilooshunists.

Our Bible has lots of big pictures to colour in for our illiterate church members.

Buy 2 Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bibles from our Biblestore and get a free "Happy Clapper"!

Pastors Vaughan & Ellen have miracle cure for flatulence!

Pastors Vaughan & Ellen have produced miracles by excorcising malignant demons of flatulence. Buy their new best smeller "The Bible Cure For Flatulence". Available at our Biblestore for those wanting a miracle cure for their problem.

A photo of Pastors Vaughan & Ellen in action!

"Come out, thou foul malignant demon of flatulence!"


Feature Sermoan for Bring A Friend Sunday

Next week's Feature Sermoan will be by the award winning visiting minastry of Pastor Fark on "True Christian Luv". His cds, dvds, books, T-shirts and blessings will be available at our Biblestore after the service. Pastor Fark won the "Feel The Anointing Award of 2008" and "Best Hellfire Sermoan of 2008"

Godly Cushion

New product at our Biblestore that will be a gtreat winess to all your visitors. Buy two cushions and get a free packet of Messiah Mints!

Be prepared for the Rapture!

Be prepared to meet Jesus in the sky at the Rapture in a genuine Jesus Space Suit. 5% discount from our Biblestore for those who have attended Wyrst Pentacostal Church more than 5 times each Sunday for the last 10 years.

Winessing For The Lord

Pastor Bob Snr. & Jnr. were out winessing for the Lord again in Maitland this weekend.

Go witnessing with Pastor Bob Snr. & Jnr. next weekend and get a free Jesus Meal with any coupon found in the Waitland Muckery.

Sermoan "Sign Of The Cross"

This week's sermoan by Pastor B. "Parra" Noid was on how to combat evil and bind evil spirits by making the sign of the cross in the presence of the secular humanist evilooshunist pagan who annoys you.

Fight the Devil with True Christian Armour

Available from our Biblestore with a 5% discount for triple tithers involved in our Exorcism Minastry.

Gift Wrapped Jesus Boomerang

Buy a Jesus Bopomerang from our Biblestore to send to overseas friends as a witness.
Free gift wrapping in Jesus Paper!


Slain In The Spirit - How It Is Accomplished

Being slain in the spirit is a minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Pastor "One-eyed" T. Rousers Naike demonstrates the correct technique in a special mandatory seminar for all staff next Thursday. Bookings are essential. A small fee of $99.50 applies.

Deacon Of The Week

Congratulations Chuck Stamford!