Tuesday

ATTEND THE LAST NEW YEAR'S EVE EVER!!!!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will celebrate the LAST New Year's Eve ever with a spectacular fireworks display in its church car park followed by a two sermoan by Pastor Dale on how you can tell that Jesus will return on 21st May 2011. Bring along your heathen friends to be converted as the fireworks spell out "Repent or burn in Hell, you sinners!" in the sky above Maitland. Gates open at 6:00pm. Jesus Jingles will be provided and our Biblestore will be open. Another awesome minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

Become a friend of Jesus on Facebook

Thanks to Wyrst Pentacostal Church Jesus is now on Facebook. Become a friend of Jesus now or burn in Hell forever.

Saturday

Church Closed for Christmas

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will be closed for Christmas Day and reopen for church services and your tithes in Januray 2011. All minastries will be suspended till February 2011.

Till February 2011 Pastor Dale K Whangke will be guest speaker at every church in the Hunter Valley area whose pastor has gone on holidays. Pastor Dale will also be minastering at all available retreats and seminars across Australia (if they provide appropriate 5 star accommodation).

Pastor Dale stated that the the love offerings received in this minastry should boost the funds for the Pastor Dale Missionary Journey to Los Vegas in the new year where lots of cash will be required to minaster to the heathens in gambling dens.

Remember, the Lord loves those who buy Christmas presents from our Biblestore. An awesome 1% discount for triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

Wednesday

Thank you, Maitland City Council

Thank you, Maitland City Council for placing a caution sign on Cowpat Road leading to our church complex. Read all about it in the Waitland Muckery.

BREAKFAST WITH JESUS & SANTA - DECEMBER 4


All welcome. Jesus will be signing autographs for a small fee. Jesus' books, dvds and t-shirts are available for purchase in the Foyer on the day. Another awesome minastry from Wysrt Pentacostal Church!

IMPORTANT MARK 16:18 MESSAGE


Four Employees Sadly Missed

The above four employees of Wyrst Pentacostal Church will leaving for missionary work at Disneyland, USA. They have spent years in ministry in our Chrildren's Church and will be sadly missed. Full story in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT BANNED

Pastor Dale has issued an edict that all Wyrst Pentacostal Church documents be rid of the evil, Satanic, of the Devil font Times New Roman. Exorcisms will be performed on any employee using it.

Friday

Biblical Cosmology Seminar

This Saturday Dr Bob Kowdust, PhD in Creationist Science, will give a seminar on the true cosmology of the universe as taught in the Bible. Dr Bob's 57 books and 43 dvds will also be on sale in the foyer. Please support this awesome minastry by a world-reknowned famous leading creationist.

NEW CHURCH BUS!!!!

Our new mega-church bus has arrived and soon you will see it around Maitland. It will do aloop through Maitland suburbs daily before it's final destination -Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Book your seats now! 1% discount coupons available from this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Pastor Dale K. Whangke's Sermoans


Our anointed Pastor Dale regularly receives messages from God which he passes on to us in his sermoans on a Sunday morning. If you don't listen to Pastor Dale then you don't know what the Lord is saying. Last week Pastor Dale told us how the Lord is saying to double our tithes to help support Pastor Dale in his missionary journey to the casinoes in Los Vegas next year. It will be an awesome time of anointing and spreading the good news to the atheistic millionaires in such evil places. Pastor Dale will require a new BMW and lots of cash in order to penetrate into the heart of this evil to preach the gospel. Please support this reminder from the Lord.

Green voters - we are a recycling church!

Above is how our recycling process works. We find it a very effective minastry.

New suits available

Rend-A-Suit is perfect for male deacons, elders and home group leaders. Order your suit from our Bible store and get a 2% discount on any second suit. Awesome value!!!

Get Your Bachelor of Arts!!!!

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Bible College is now offering a *Bachelor of Arts in Self Righteousness. Available only to Wyrst Pentacostal Church members. The course consists of 5 bible studies a week over 3 years (ful-time only). At a mere $63,963,75 a year this is a bargain! Another awesome minastry from Wyst Pentacostal Church. Enrol now for 2011!!!

* Not accredited with any institution but approved by the Lord.

You ask, we answer

Yes, ask us any question whatsoever and we promise to answer with a Bible verse*. As the Bible is the infallible word of the Lord it contains everything you need to know. Email the editor of the **Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter with your questions and we will print the answer.

* Bible verse may not be related to what you asked.
** Offer available only to Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members who have subscribed to the $49.95 per month or higher edition of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter. 1% discount for triple tithers.

Tuesday

Lord's Science Free Light Bulbs

The *Lord's Science Free Light Bulbs are now available from our Biblestore for a mere $49.95. Triple tithers get a 1% discount. How awesome is that! * Light bulbs will not work if you do not have the required faith. If light bulbs fail to work three times in a row see the Elders who will anoint you with oil and pray for the gift of faith for you once you have provided a Love Offering of above $100. No refunds on this product.

NEW SECURITY AT CHURCH SERVICES

The Multi-Zone Biblical Theological Detector is installed at all the entrances of all our places of worhip. This will allow the Deacons and armed Church Security Guards to protect our members from pretend Christians who are not true Christians because they don't believe the same as we do. Another minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Free Christian Tract


Please use this free Christian tract to get more converts for the Lord in Maitland. Another minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Saturday

SCIENCE & THE BIBLE - PROOF OF HEAVEN

Luke 24:51 Now as he blessed them, he withdrew from them and was carried up to heaven.

Acts 1: 2 until the day he gave his instructions to the apostles he had chosen through the Holy Spirit, and was taken up to heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

APPLYING SCIENCE TO THE ABOVE ....

IF Jesus ascended bodily to Heaven through a cloud we should be able to track him and discover where Heaven is.

JESUS IS NOW SEATED AT THE RIGHT SIDE OF GOD IN HEAVEN as proven in the bible ....

- Christ Jesus ... is at the right hand of God (Romans 8:34)

- Christ is seated at the right hand of God.(Colossians 3:1)

- he sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12)

- Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand (1Peter 3:21,22)

- the God of our Lord Jesus Christ ... seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 1:17,19-22)

IF Jesus travelled at the speed of light then he has not reached the edge of our galaxy - The Milky Way - which is 100,000 light-years in diameter.

IF Jesus ascended vertically at 90 degrees to the Earth then one can trace his trajectory in a straight line. This will be the same line as occupied by Jacob's ladder where angels went up and down from Heaven to Earth - Genesis 28:11-19.

Heaven will have to be within 150 light years from Earth as the above bible quotes were written in the first two centuries CE and 1 Peter was written close to 150 CE.

The problem will be knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension as the Earth orbits the sun and is constantly rotating. By knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension we can plot where 90 degrees from the Mount of Olives is in relation to our position in the galaxy at that time.

Obvioulsy we can find out the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension by asking God as the bible says:

- Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you

- Matthew 21:22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.

- Luke 11:9 So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you

- John 14:13-14 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

- John 15:7 you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

- John 16:23-24 whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. ... Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

- James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

So PLEASE ask God for the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension and then we will be
able to calculate the EXACT PLACE where Heaven is and where Jesus is seated
at God's right side by using the science of those secular humanist scientists.

Monday

FREE CHRISTIAN SHEET MUSIC

Free Christian sheet music for viewers of this blog - minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Full sheet music available at our Biblestore at $5.95 per page. 1% discount for triple tithe paying members. How awesome is that!

Tuesday

Pre-Marriage Counsilling By Pastor Dale K Whangke

Our Pastor Dale K Whangke is a trained NLP Counsillor and available for hire in Pre-Marriage Counsilling. His $150 hourly rate includes free excorcism of the demon of lust. Pre-Marriage Counsilling usually last for the full 10 year manadatory courtship as proscribed in Wyrst Pentacostal Churches laws for those getting married. A 1% discount is available for triple-tithers.

Maitland Mall Ministry

Join us every Sunday after church in our Maitland Mall Ministry telling heathen the good news that they're going to hell.

Sunday

Wyrst Community Men's Shed


Wyrst Pentacostal Church has a new ministry - Wyrst Community Men's Shed. This targets all the old geriatric men in our area who are only interested in woodwork and metalwork. The above graphic describes the type of tools that they like playing with in their years of senility. Membership is $520 a year plus $20 a visit and no-one is allowed to sit idly and talk instead of playing with tools. Police checks run on every membership application. Restricted to real heterosexual men only.

WARNING: Our tools and machinery are hooked up to an electric cattle fence to electrocute burglars who want to steal our expensive tools.

New Hymnal added to our worship service


Pastor Dale K Wangke has received a message from the Lord to use the above hymnal at Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

New Full-Time Evangelist - W Bully


W Bully is our new full-time evangelist. He's really quite shy and likes to hide behind his hood. His ministry will target homosexuals and anyone who is not Anglo-Saxon.

Jesus appears at out Cracker And Grape Juice Festival


Jesus appeared at out yearly "Cracker and Grape Juice Festival" held in the Wyrst Pentacostal Church foyer. Awesome! Funds were raised for Pastor Dale K Wangke's annual missionary tour to the casinoes in the Greek Isles. Full details in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Please sign our Anti-Art Pledge

Organ Party Invitation

Wednesday

Join us in worship

Visit us to worship at any of the six services we hold each Sunday. Triple tithers get their pew reserved and a jumbo size thimble of grape juice at ever Communion Service. Awesome!

Jack Bauer School Of Pragmatic Evangelism begins next week

Join up now! Another minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Tuesday

New Drop-In Centre

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has opened a new Drop-In Centre in High Street Maitland to minister to the ungodly heathen in our midst. They can come in a buy a Christian Coffee for $5 and get a free exorcism at no extra cost.

Sunday

Try our new Jesus Burger


Try the new Jesus Burger at our Christian Take-Away. Taste the delicious Blood of Jesus Sauce on a Crucified Minced Meat Pattie with the Lord's Lettuce and New Testament Tomato in a Bible Bun. Supersize with some Fries in Hell. Totally awesome! Only $7.95 with a 1% discount for all Triple Tithers of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Saturday

Awesome new Christian cd!


This awesome new Christian cd is available from our Biblestore at 3 for $25 or $7 each. These awesome worship inspiring tunes are featured in our Soccer Service of a Saturday morning. Bring your own vuvuzela and join in the praise! Win a free vuvuzela by buying a copy of the Waitland Muckery any day next week. How awesome is that!

Thursday

Books Approved By The Lord

Rural Outdoor Entertainment Centre

Now available at our Biblestore. Fun for the whole family! An awesome 1% discount for all triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Monday

This Month's Banned Book


The above Wicked Bible is banned in our church. All members with copies with be excorcised and excommunicated!
Be blessed!
Pastor Dale K. Whangke

Join The Crusade To Abolish The Arts


Sunday

The Lord wants volunteers

Help the Lord out. The Lord would like volunteers for fundraising. Despite tithing and triple-tithing of loyal church members the expenditure on important items for the Lord (such as Pastor Dale K Whangke's new BMW & 3D TV) has risen dramatically and our marketting department has decided that it is time that our members panhandle on the street to raise more funds. We require at least another $50 000 a week to cater for the Lord's expenses. Free cardboard milkshake containers and signs are being provided to the first 500 volunteers. Hurry! This awesome deal will not last!

Secular humanist scoffers should be told that our dear Pastor Dale K Whangke only earns a mere $300 000* a year (excluding tax-free love offerings, gifts and assorted perks).
~~~
*[Total package may exceed millions.]

Testing at Wyrst Christian School

Students at Wyrst Christian School do not participate in the national secular humanist testing that public schools have. Instead we have our own Dr Sally Sylee (PhD in Creationist Education) who tests our pupils each year. Dr Sylee uses the latest creationist techniques from the 1800s.
Another awesome minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

Monday

VISIT OUR STEAMFEST STALL

Follow the signs on the railway lines to find the Wyrst Pentacostal Church stall at Steamfest.
This year, to celebrate 25 years of Steamfest, we are holding a Soiree Under The Spire on Staurday Night at our Christian Takeaway. It will feature gourmet cheeseburgers, Christian line dancing and our own Christian Clown Minastry. Grab a coupon from this weekend's Waitland Muckery or from our Steamfest stall and get an awesome 1% discount off the $35 entrance fee. (*Food not included.)
As a community service to many thousands of visitiors to our City of Excitement we have strategically placed the following helpful sign on every road leading to Maitland.

Saturday

Global Warming Seminar

Next weekend we are proud to present the Global Warming Seminar which will provide us with the truth about gloabl warming from our own Pastor Terry Hills (PhD in Creation Research). Book your tickest now at our Biblestore. Another totally awesome minanstry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Friday

Godly plans for "Operation Wake Up" thwarted by Council!!!

We installed huge speakers on the perimeter of our land and were about to begin "Operation Wake up" last Sunday when the police arrived with orders from Council to shut it down.
"Operation Wake Up" was our Godly plan to wake up all residents of Maitland on dawn each Sunday with some rousing Jesus Jingles and a call to worship just like those Moslems do.
Obviously this is an example of Godly persecution and we will appeal the decision.
Read about it in today's Waitland Muckery.

Jesus turns up at Bible study

Jesus made a surprise visit to the Bible Study held at Rutherford. He did a few tricks with fish and bread and turned the wine into water. Obviously this is a sign that Wyrst Pentacostal Church and its spitirtual leadership is annointed by God!