Our Clown Minastry

Wyrst Pentacostal Church Christian Clown Skool has operated for many years as a vital minastry to the population of Maitland. Its huge clown sign is clearly visible towering over the local Council Chambers.
It is set amongst our specially landscaped Clown Theme Park where kiddies love to amuse themselves for a small entrance fee of $25.
Pastor George Dubya is the Senior Clown Pastor in training all our clowns. His extensive past minastry in the USA and Iraq is an awesome bonus for our church.
One of the great things about being a Christian clown is that you can wear your make-up all day long and always appear happy as though the joy of the Lord is oozing out from you 24/7.

Attending Wyrst Pentacostal Church Clown Skool is also a good option for kiddies who have been homeskooled and play a banjo. They can finally think that they are doing something worthwhile after being rejected from other educational institutions.

Of course, the main emphasis in our Christian Clown Skool is evangelisation. Here is a photo of one of our specially trained clowns witnesssing to a local resident.

If you would like to be trained as a Christian Clown please pick up a Clown Registration Form* from our Church Office.
ATTENTION CHURCH MEMBERS: Suport our Clown Minastry by buying our pork luncheon meat at our deli in the church Superstore and Minastry Centre.


* Some minor fees apply for training in our Christian Clown Skool:

- Processing Fee $250
- Mailing of Acceptance Fee $20
- Tuition Fees $3 000 per week
- Maintenance of Clown Theme Park Fee $17 444 annually
- Face paint, wig, uniform and big shoes $ 53 864 annually
- Deduction of a triple tithe on all procedes from future clowning work
- 1% discount for regular subscribers to the Waitland Muckery (minimum 10 year contract)



As you are well aware, Wyrst Pentacostal Church partakes of the Lord's Supper in the following manner.

A piece of dry bread or cracker is offered on a one only basis. In a simlar manner we offer a thimble of unfermented grape juice.Each person gets one piece of cracker or dry bread and one thimble of grape juice. No more!
It has come to the attention of our Godly Deacons that some people (they suspect the shifty poorer members of our church) have taken more that one piece of dry cracker or bread and more than one thimble of grape juice because they are hungry. Some of the same unGodly people have stolen some of the plastic thimbles which we have reused for the past 50 years!
This cannot continue to happen as it places an extra expense of few dollars a week from our multi-million dollar a week budget. As a result the Deacons will now be carefully watching for any unauthorised double-dealing or theft.
It has also come to our attention that some people have spoken against the Lord's anointed Pastor Dale K Whangke.

Some unspiritual people have question why our anointed Pastor Dale has a different Lord's Supper consisting of the best French wine and specialty bread ... with grapes. (Pictured above.)
The reason is that the Lord's anointed shepherd of this flock deserves to be richly honoured for all his hard work in preparing Sermoans, having business lunches and his many missionary journeys to the Greek Isles and to the Los Vegas casinoes.
This is a warning from the Lord: "Do not touch the Lord's anointed." - 1 Chronicles 16:22


Poor Man's Store Opened in Maitland Mall

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has opened a Poor Man's Store in Maitland Mall as a minastry to those unfortunate people earning less than $100 000 a year. We buy, sell or trade items. An item now on special discount is the Mushroom Bible.

You can read this Bible AND harvest it for food!!!! Only $37.95.

Please Support Local Christian Farmers

Please support Maitland's local Christian famers by buying only from their roadside stalls. One can easily recognise a true Christian farmer as their sheds have bible verses painted on them like the one above. Farming members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church are a special minastry approved by Pastor Dale as they all triple tithe. Read the special feature article in today's Waitland Muckery.


Our Exorcism Team Is Ready To Minaster To You

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Excorcism Team is ready to minaster to to. We specialise in excorcising demons of:
- rock and roll
- argumentation with the Lord's anointed minasters
- secular humanism
- sleep (during sermoans)
- flatulence

*Normal Minastry Fees apply and are charged on a minute by minute basis. Minimum cost $50.

10% off at our Biblestore!!!!!

Get a further 10% discount with the coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery.

Converts from Steamfest outreach!!!!

Two people became followers of the Lord and were added to Wyrst Pentacostal Church as a result of our outreach at Maitland's Steamfest. Bob and Mr Deth are best friends. Please welcome them into our fellowship.

Free Gift From Our Biblestore!

Every purchase of a book from our Biblestore will automatically rewarded with a 2 kg bag of Christian beads upon presentation of the coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery!!!!

Pastor Dale's Decision On Telarah Outreach Centre

The Lord has told Pastor Dale K Whangke that the Telarah Outreach Centre should not be updated with new premises. Pastor Dale said, "The impoverished people of Telarah are poor because they have not triple tithed to the Lord's anointed minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. They are used to living in the same pitiful conditions as the Telarah Outreach Centre is currently in. When Wyrst Pentacostal Church receives more than $500 000 a week from the members in Telarah in tithes and offerings then the Lord may change his mind."

New Church Policy

It is now Church policy that all brains be left at the foyer before entering the Lord's sanctuary. Failure to obey this commandment from the Lord will result in a fine of a quadriple tithe.

Pastor Dale's New Pulpit

Some apostate backslidden Christians have questioned whether Pastor Dale's new pulpit (seen above) is worth the money. Pastor Dale K. Whangke is the Lord's anointed so no-one should be questioning that he deserves a suitable pulpit from which to deliver the Lord's message. Security footage will be viewed in order to root out these evil gossipers against the Lord's anointed who will be expelled from our Godly fellowship.


Evangelism Team At Steamfest

Pray for our Evangelism Team at Steamfest this year. This is an approved minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Our stall is located between the "Awesome Plastic Toys Made In China" stall and the Society of Fartists Exhibition. This year's slogan approved by Pastor Dale is "Turn or Burn". A FREE bible verse given with a coupon from this weekend's Waitland Muckery!!!!


Free T-shirts are available to wear at Steamfest! An awesome minastry!!!!!!

*Conditions Apply: Must be a triple tithe paying member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Decorate Your Car For Steamfest!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church members are encouraged to decorate their car for Steamfest. Steamfest attracts many heathens into Maitland and we need to convert them so that they don't spend an eternity being burnt in hell forever by our loving God. Pastor Dale has approved this vital minastry. Last year's efforts are shown above. We are praying that we hit the headlines in the Waitland Muckey for evangelising Steamfest this year once the sole reporter comes back from holidays. Praise Jesus!