Christian Band "Cain and Abel" at Youth Service

The Christian Band "Cain and Abel" will be minastering at our Youth Service next Sunday night. Abel has just been released from hospital after falling down a flight of stairs for the sixth time this year. Cain said that his brother was rather clumsy but the Lord loves him anyway.  A Love Offerng for Abel's hospital expenses and a prayer for the deliverance of his malignant demon of clumsiness plus a testimony from Cain on how the Lord loves him the best will be part of the service.  All welcome. 1% discount on entry fee for all triple tithers.

Slave Wanted


1. Wyrst Pentacostal Church wishes to purchase two Fundamentalist Gentiles as personal slaves (one woman, one man) for Pastor Dale K Whangke ... just like in the Bible.

Leviticus 25:44-46
"Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inheritthem for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour."
2. The male Fundamentalist Gentile Slave will be circumcised for free (if not done already).
Genesis 17:13 "He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant."Genesis 17:27 "And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him."
3. The female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave must not be not married or engaged as Pastor Dale K Whangke wants to use her for his own sexual pleasure. (Though if an engaged female is all that can be acquire we are prepared to pay the trespass offering, let her be killed and get another female. )
Leviticus 19:20-22 "And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the Lord, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the Lord for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him."
4. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves will not be subject to reselling.
Exodus 21:8 "If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after themanner of daughters. If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money."
5. Wysrt Pentacostal Church is willing to accept as a Fundamentalist Gentile Slave a debtor (or his / her children) who cannot pay back creditors.
II Kings 4:1 "Now there cried a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets unto Elisha, saying, Thy servant my husband is dead; and thou knowest that thy servant did fear the Lord: and the creditor is come to take unto him my two sons to be bondmen."
6. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may, themselves, own slaves.
2 Samuel 9:10: "...Now Ziba [Saul's slave] had fifteen sons and twenty servants."
7. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may have the Sabbath [Saturday] off but work 14 / 6 otherwise.
Exodus 20:10 "But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."
8. If a suitable female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is not found soon Wyrst Pentacostal Church may have to invade another country to obtain a female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave for free. We will let the invaded country keep the female's children, cattle and everything else to show that we are true Christians who are only following what "God's Word" says that we are allowed to do.
Deuteronomy 20:14 "But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself"
Our buying price for each Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is $1.99 (Aus)
All offers considered.
Please send photo, personal details (age, vital statistics, proof of being a Fundamentalist true Christian Gentile, proof of being a virgin) attached to your reply to this post.


Enrol your child in our university

Fundy University is an awesome anointed place of minastry where your child will learn in a fully supervised environment:
- Ceationism
- Detection of those who are not true Christians
- Demonolgy
- Adherence to a 100% accurate Bible
- Musicology (choruses and their demonic counterpart in rock music)
- Preparation for minastry
- How to have a personal relationship with Jesus

Make sure that you enrol today for 2011 and include your booking fee of $299.50.

Special thank you to Madge Browne

Thank you to Madge Browne whose pot brownies were awesome and led to an anointing that we have never yet seen at Wyrst Pentacostal Church at our social on Saturday. We spoke in tongues for hours. We have no idea how Madge cooked these in a pot but they tasted great. We are looking forward to her contribution to the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Cookbook which will available as a free pdf in time for Christmas.

Pastor Elsie McManus at Women's Meeting

Our own Pastor Elsie McManus will be playing her anointed awesome songs in a minastry to women at our Women's Seminar on 4th July. Be sure to book your seat at our Biblestore and get a massive 1% discount for triple tithing. The first 10 customers will get a free year's subscription to sister Elsie's awesome magazine "The Women's Monthly".

Christian School Library Cleaned

A special thank you to librarian Lyn Bogge for censoring all the naughty bits out of books in our Christian School library. There are now no photos of, or positive references to, sex, evolution, liberal theology, Harry Potter, rock music, abstract art, bible contradictions, pagans, new agers, atheists, agnostics, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, skepticism, biology, astronomy, geology, cosmology, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Barbie, SpongeBob Squarepants, fantasy, comics, Renaissance nudes, dinosaurs, fossils, Satan, demons, kissing. petting animals, the internet, the mark of the beast, barcodes, the International monetary fund, the Illuminati, Obama, Julia Gillard, the Labor Party, left-handedness, gays, Fred and Barney having a gay time, gun control, witches, fairies, smurfs, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, contemporary biblical scholarship, Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc. What an awesome anointed minastry!

Important Reminder from the Lord

Our New Church Office

Our Church Office has been redesigned and renamed to reflect the anointing upon Wyrst Pentacostal Church and its pastor Dale K Whangke. Please ensure you make a booking to see the Church Secretary and pay the appropriate booking fee in advance.

Error In Calculating The Time of the Rapture

There was an unfortunate computer error made when calculating the time of the Rapture. Our creationist mathematicians are now recalculating the revisded time and the Minastry Team will let you know of the new date at a later time.