Dr K. Razee said that one must be aware of the Swine Flu symptoms as it affects True Christians differently to the unsaved.Please make sure that you post these symptoms on your fridge for quick reference. Swine Flu may cause you to look like the following diseased pagan if left untreated by a qualified Creationist Doctor ....
If you sin and thereby get the Swine Flu please ensure that:
1. You stay away from all Wyrst Pentacostal Church staff and properties for at least 6 months after secular humanist doctors say you are "cured".
2. Pay your tithes by electronic transfer of funds during this time of affliction by your plague.
When you resume contact with Wyrst Pentacostal Church after the 6 month exclusion period you must ring the approved Swine Flu Bell (available at our Biblestore) and call out "Unclean!" at 30 second intervals so that other members are warned about your condition. This must continue for another 6 months just to be on the safe side. These restrictions will only be lifted after 12 months if you can produce a Doctor's Certificate from one of our approved Creationist Doctors.
All the steaks come from Pastor Dale Whangke's prize herd of bulls and are processed at our Soylent Green Factory. Yummy!We are hoping that our 10 000 seat auditorium will be overflowing at all the services over the weekend. Members who bring a person back to the Lord on the weekend will receive a month's free subscription to the Waitland Muckery with all of its awesome 10 pages jammed pack with local news and lots of ads ... and photos of Bob Gaggin, manager of Shit and Drip Real Estate (proud sponsor of Maitland Gangofarts).