Send your child to our Christian School

2010 will be here soon if the Lord does not return beforehand. Send your child to Wyrst Christian School which is an approved minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Your child will be safe in the care of our Christian teachers who are chosen for their adherence to fundamentalist dogma rather than secular humanist qualifications. Every teacher is a member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church where their tithes and offerings are deducted automatically from their stipend. The major benefit of sending your child to Wyrst Christian School is that ALL media is censored by our Grand Inquisitor Pastor Steve Black. Naughty words such as:
- c**k
- c**t
- f**k
- s**t
- w**k
are literally cut out from all media with the Lord's Scissors and shredded in the Lord's Shredder. No naughty word is ever missed - even from the Bible - under Grand Inquisitor Steve's godly gaze. No secular humanist book is allowed within a 500 m radius of the Wyrst Christian School Library.

We have a Godly curriculum that features:

- singing of Jesus Jingles

- witnessing to pagans and secular humanists

- A Bible verse quoted before the start of every lesson

- Creation Science For Dummies

- Revised Fundamentalist History Of The World Since Its Creation In 7 Literal Days in 4004 BC.

Our School Principal Gary S. Nivler is a graduate from Wyrst Teacher's College with a Doctorate in Jesus Jingles and Finger Puppets. He is Pastor Dale K Whangke's favourite nephew.

At a mere $35 000 a year for triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church this is an awesome bargain! Book now to enrol your child for 2010.


Christian Art Gallery Opening!

Last weekend saw the opening of Wysrt Pentacostal Church's awesome new Christian Art Gallery on our Maitland church property! Maggie May, OAM BS, opened the gallery with a 3 hour biography of her time as a patron for the White Australian Policy Artists Society.

According to the Waitland Muckery 15 000 people flooded the area though the elderly newspaper reporter tallying the entries went to be with the Lord after recording the first 10 people (the funeral service will be on Monday at our church hall).

The exhibition features Rusty Myers' "True Christian Rustic Roof" sculptures, Judy Schmidt "Wooden Crucifixes With Awesome Lord" and Barry Bolt's "Christian Cow Produce".

All entrants this week receive a FREE "Four Spiritual Laws" tract! How awesome is that! Entry is free to all triple tithers of Wyrst Pentacostal Church or those who have a 10 subscription to the Waitland Muckery. For all others the entrance fee is $24.95 (No Concessions).

Pastor Betty Brown Gives Testimony

Pastor Betty Brown gave her testimony this Wednesday to the Woman's Minastry Team about the Lord being awesome. Pastor Betty is attempting to break the World Record for the number of times "awesome" is used in church service. Unfortunately Betty did not not beat the world record which is still held by Hill$ong.


Pastor George Petty's "Joy of the Lord" Seminar

Pastor George Petty will be holding a "Joy of the Lord" Seminar next month. Book early for this awesome minastry!

The first 10 people to register for this seminar will get a free Bible Belt and a 2 week subscription to the Waitland Muckery.


Jesus Putt-Putt Golf Course

We have opened our new minastry - the Jesus Putt-Putt Golf Course behind the main auditorium right next door to the Triple Tithe Barn and Holy Bank Account. Jesus quotes a favourite Bible verse every time you sink a hole. Fun for the whole family! A 1% family discount is available with the coupon in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.


Pastor Tubby Taylor holds his "Wait Watchers" classes each week in the Wyrst Fast Food Burger chains. Many parishioners have been helped in their dieting by this awesome minastry which teaches fat people to "wait for Jesus". Some members have been waiting for Jesus a long time and have lost lots of weight. Application forms are available on the wrapping of any Giant Tubby Cheesey Burger with extra fries.

Born Again Pet Service

The Wyrst Born Again Pet Service is growing in numbers. Pastor Dale's parrot, Pente Polly, is due for release from Rehab next week and will deliver an awesome testimony on overcoming swearing and filthy speech.

Robbing the Lord of his tithe!

The above fake notes have been found in the Wyrst Triple Tithe Barn & Holy Bank Account. The evil sinners who have passed these notes in our gold collection plates will be smitten by the Lord for robbing the Lord of his tithe. Security footage is being viewed by Wyrst Security Guards & Tithe Protectors in order to hunt down these evil doers who will be fined with an extra tithe and Sinner's Love Offering.

Cookin' With Jesus

An awesome new cookery book personally endorsed by Jesus is avaiable at our Biblestore. Praise the Lord and pass the mashed potatoes! Special 1% discount for bulk orders of 50 or more.


Pastor Dale today preached from the letter to James - "To the most high and mighty Prince James, by the grace of God, King of Great Britain, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith", then the Index, page numbers, topic headings, column notes and lastly the maps at the back of the KJV. This soldly proved that the whole of the KJV Bible is God's Word and divinely inspired and should be believed and followed 100% by all true Christians. Pastor Dale also explained that it meant that Queen Elizabth II was really Queen of France. KJV Bibles personally autographed by Saint Paul are available in our Biblestore.