Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Friday
Bible personally autographed by Jesus
You ask, we answer
Yes, ask us any question whatsoever and we promise to answer with a Bible verse*. As the Bible is the infallible word of the Lord it contains everything you need to know. Email the editor of the **Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter with your questions and we will print the answer.* Bible verse may not be related to what you asked.
** Offer available only to Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members who have subscribed to the $49.95 per month or higher edition of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter. 1% discount for triple tithers.
Tuesday
Proof of Satan!
The above photo was taken by Pastor Rod N Hart last Christmas in his loungeroom. It demonstrates that Satan is real. Santa is rebuking Satan and Satan is fleeing just as the bible says in James 4:7.
Sunday
"How To Highlight Your Bible" by Pastor Dale K Whangke
There is only one true Christian way to highlight your bible. As every verse in the bible is God's Word then you must highlight every single verse. Some people have asked me about the Index and page numbers. I highlight those as well because it's all God's Word. Those who miss a verse when highlighting are obviously trying to say that the verse is not God's Word.Please report anyone with an unhighlighted Bible verse to one of the Elders who will deal with the matter.
Special Biblestore Offer
With every purchase of God's Word we are offering a free "Get Nearer To Jesus Donut". These donuts are Pastor Dale's favourites. Totally awesome!
Saturday
INSPIRING SERMOAN ON INSPIRATION OF THE BIBLE
Pastor Dale today preached from the letter to James - "To the most high and mighty Prince James, by the grace of God, King of Great Britain, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith", then the Index, page numbers, topic headings, column notes and lastly the maps at the back of the KJV. This soldly proved that the whole of the KJV Bible is God's Word and divinely inspired and should be believed and followed 100% by all true Christians. Pastor Dale also explained that it meant that Queen Elizabth II was really Queen of France. KJV Bibles personally autographed by Saint Paul are available in our Biblestore.
Poor Man's Store Opened in Maitland Mall
Wyrst Pentacostal Church has opened a Poor Man's Store in Maitland Mall as a minastry to those unfortunate people earning less than $100 000 a year. We buy, sell or trade items. An item now on special discount is the Mushroom Bible. 
You can read this Bible AND harvest it for food!!!! Only $37.95.
Wednesday
Pastor Dale's Guide To Bible Study
I can always spot a person who is not a true Christian by the layer of dust on their Bible. True Christians value Bible study above all other things.
You should mark all the important parts in your bible by highlighting and underlining them along with adding comments from my sermoans. Although the whole Bible is God's word you only have to worry about the bits that I talk about in my sermoans.
You don't have to worry yourself about what any of the Bible means as long as you have memorised the important verses from my sermoans so that you can quote them to unbelievers.
Another great witnessing tool for those who dare question the supreme authority of the Bible is my Circle of Bible Belief. Memorise it so that you can quote it off by heart.
Most importantly all members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church should grow in the Lord by studying and putting into practice my free Bible Study on "Submission To Your Pastor"
You can demonstrate your growth in the Lord and your appreciation for my work by placing something in one of the following two envelopes in the Offering Plate:
Larger gifts and love offerings may be left at the Church Vault & Tithe Safe at the Church Office.
Be blessed!
Your Pastor Dale K. Whangke
Tuesday
FAV BIBLE
Our Biblestore as recieved a brand new container of the FAV Bible. The Fundamentalist Authorised Version Bible (FAV Bible) is jam packed with awesome pictures to help in reading "God's word".
It will show you how to correctly praise Jesus.
It has pictures of Adam and Eve playing with their pet dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden.
It shows you how to get INSTANT DIVINE GUIDANCE by closing your eyes, randomly opening the bible and placing your finger on a page. This is a technique used by our own Pastor Dale K. Whangke who adds that it might take a few tries before you get the exact answer that you want.
The FAV Bible also gives the correct intepretation of bible verses such as "bring all tithes into the storehouse" explaining that it REALLY means bringing 10% of your gross wage to the church that you are a member of on a weekly basis. (This of course does not exempt TRUE Christians from also giving extra offerings, love gifts and donations of cash to their church as well as volunteering for work on the pastors house and gardens and attending all church services, bible studies, prayer meetings, mens / womens / teens groups and seminars offered by your church.)It also has coupons in the back which can be used to purchase a free Big Muck Burger with fries at our drive through "After Church Fellowship Fast Food Ball & Chain" *[Offer only available to those who have brought unsaved people to the Lord in the last week and have purchases in the last week at our Biblestore of over $264.].
Wednesday
How To Use The Bible
Pastor Dale K. Whangke gave a thrilling anointed sermoan for the Women's Breakfast Club about how to use the bible. Above is a page from our own Pastor Dale K. Whangke's bible and how the verses apply to every part of his life. He is surely a great blessing to our church!
Luke 4:16 -30
Then Jesus went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the sabbath he went as usual to the synagogue. He stood up and said "Here I am! It's me! God! I'm here to be worshipped! Let's sing a Jesus Jingle to me! Hallelume! Praise me! "All the people in the synagogue were suitably impressed with Jesus and invited him into their hearts as their own personal Jesus, someone to hear their prayers, someone who cares. And Jesus said "Go out and make all men ... and women ... fundamentalists. Those that don't convert to fundamentalism you must call hereticks, launch a Fundamentalist Inquisition and burn them at the stake ... in Jesus' name ... in true Christian love. "Luke 4:16 -30 (Fundy Version)
Sunday
New Bible Belt
Buy a Bible Belt at out Biblestore and receive a FREE JESUS JUICE BOTTLE that will fit into your Bible!
Friday
Bible launched into space!
Wyrst Pentacostal Church is the very first church in the world to launch a bible into space. Our bible satellite will be able to beam bible verses to the whole world 24 /7 for small fee.
Monday
Creationists prove Bible verse to be true!
Creationists have proven this Bible verse to be true ....
Deuteronomy 14:7 "Nevertheless these you shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of those who have the hoof cloven: the camel, and the hare, and the rabbit"
They have discovered this rabbit which chews the cud and has cloven hooves.
Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bible
The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bible has many advantages over other Bibles.
Our Bible is fireproof!
Our Bible contains a real "Sword of the Word" for rightly dividing between true Christians and secular humanist evilooshunists.
Our Bible has lots of big pictures to colour in for our illiterate church members.Buy 2 Wyrst Pentacostal Church Official Bibles from our Biblestore and get a free "Happy Clapper"!
Wednesday
Friday
Thursday
Mark 9:34 & "Body Parts For Jesus"
Mark 9:34 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off"
Thank you to all our members who have have been plagued by masturbation and have donated their hands to our "Body Parts For Jesus" mission. This will help many people whose limbs have been blown off during the Holy Christian Crusade against Iraq. The limbs are currently being tattooed with John 3:16.
Another worthwhile minastry by Wyrst Pentacostal Church.
Tuesday
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