Interactive Toy For Pastor Dale K Whangke's Next Sermoan

Pastor Dale is urging all church members to buy the Crucify Christ Kit at our Biblestore. Pastor Dale is about to launch a new series of sermoans on the crucifixion of Jesus.  You will be able to re-enact each gory detail of the crufixion with your Crucify Christ Kit. Fun for all the family! It may be reused over and over again. If your kiddies are naughty and mightily sin at home then take out Jesus and hammer another stake into him to demonstrate what they have just done to Jesus. Another awesome minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Pastor Dale's sermoan this Sunday - Intelligent Design

This Sunday Pastor Dale K Whangke will be giving proof that Intelligent Design is true by the argument above and selected bible verses.  This sermoan was inspired by Pastor Dale's wife Elsie D and her daily nose cleaning. Pastor Dale describes this proof as a revelation from the Lord stating " If the Lord had designed Elsie's fingers a centimetre fatter then it would not be possible." All attendees will get a free pass to the Wyrst Ceation Museum provided that they are accompanied by a evilutionist who pays the standard entry fee of  $39.95.  Another awsome minastry from Wyrst Pentecostal Church.

"Hush Woman"- Pastor Dale's Sunday Sermoan

Pastor Dale K Whangke will be giving another awesome sermoan this Sunday from God's inerrant Word - the Bible.  Pastor Dale will use his extensive knowledge of the Word to prove that women should remain silent in church because they are only a spare rib.  Everyone knows that ribs don't talk. All women have inherited the punishment of silence from Eve who was deceived by the talking snake in the Garden. Everyone also knows that the Lord is male and therefore females are inferior to males. Tape for women's mouths is available free at our Biblestore if any triple tithe paying husband requires it for his wife's mouth.

New Year's Eve Fireworks

As usual, Wyrst Pentacostal Church in Maitland has spared no expense in this New Year's Eve Fireworks minastry to be held on our church grounds. Pastor Cecil de Mullet will be spelling out John 3:16 with a series of two dozen sparklers. At the stroke of midnight Pastor Dale K Whangke will begin his first sermoan of 2012. Fun for all the family.  Bring along an unsaved friend.  This is Maitland's very best fireworks for New Year's Eve.

Come to our church and get a 10% discount

Offer only available this Sunday.  Bring your heathen pagan friends along so that Pastor Dale can convert them with his sermoan entitled "You're Going To Burn In Hell Unless You Like Our Loving Lord Jesus".   A special love offering will be taken up to pay for the discount vouchers.

Pastor Dale's Sunday Sermoan.

Next Sunday I will be reminding the congregation at Wyrst Pentacostal Church that we should not cease being vigilant against the works of Satan that still plague our nation.  It is not enough to be waging a crusade against Islam, homersexuals, rock music and evilutionists.  One must also fight against Commies who are about to invade Australia, our Land of the Holy Spirit, due to the Dominoe Effect. I'll be providing proof that a Crusade Against Commies is still valid for these last days.

Be blessed!

Pastor Dale K Whangke. (Chairman, Crusade Against Commies)

Pastor Dale K Whangke's Guide To Heavy Metal Satan Fingers

Pastor Dale K Whangke gave an awesome sermoan this Sunday on the demonic meaning of Satan's Fingers.  Patsor Dale has a new book and dvd series on exorcism of the heavy metal demon available at our Biblestore. Get you copy before they sell out.

God smites heathens with floods

It is obvious that the heathen are being smitten by God through floods in Australia. Pastor Dale K Whangke will be delivering a sermoan this weekend on "God Loves You - Drown, You Pagan Scum: The Lessons of Noah" this weekend. A special love offering will be take to reinforce the levee banks surrounding Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Australia Day Celebrations

This Australia Day our Biblestore will have an added corner with Australian memorabilia for sale.
The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Women's Group will also be providing lamingtons with their tea, coffee and cordial. All items are anointed by the Lord and can be bought at a awesome 1% discount for all triple tithers.

Pastor Dale K Whangke will be giving an Australia Day sermon entitled "Bring Back The White Australia Policy".

Pastor Dale K. Whangke's Sermoans

Our anointed Pastor Dale regularly receives messages from God which he passes on to us in his sermoans on a Sunday morning. If you don't listen to Pastor Dale then you don't know what the Lord is saying. Last week Pastor Dale told us how the Lord is saying to double our tithes to help support Pastor Dale in his missionary journey to the casinoes in Los Vegas next year. It will be an awesome time of anointing and spreading the good news to the atheistic millionaires in such evil places. Pastor Dale will require a new BMW and lots of cash in order to penetrate into the heart of this evil to preach the gospel. Please support this reminder from the Lord.

SCIENCE & THE BIBLE - PROOF OF HEAVEN

Luke 24:51 Now as he blessed them, he withdrew from them and was carried up to heaven.

Acts 1: 2 until the day he gave his instructions to the apostles he had chosen through the Holy Spirit, and was taken up to heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

APPLYING SCIENCE TO THE ABOVE ....

IF Jesus ascended bodily to Heaven through a cloud we should be able to track him and discover where Heaven is.

JESUS IS NOW SEATED AT THE RIGHT SIDE OF GOD IN HEAVEN as proven in the bible ....

- Christ Jesus ... is at the right hand of God (Romans 8:34)

- Christ is seated at the right hand of God.(Colossians 3:1)

- he sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12)

- Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand (1Peter 3:21,22)

- the God of our Lord Jesus Christ ... seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 1:17,19-22)

IF Jesus travelled at the speed of light then he has not reached the edge of our galaxy - The Milky Way - which is 100,000 light-years in diameter.

IF Jesus ascended vertically at 90 degrees to the Earth then one can trace his trajectory in a straight line. This will be the same line as occupied by Jacob's ladder where angels went up and down from Heaven to Earth - Genesis 28:11-19.

Heaven will have to be within 150 light years from Earth as the above bible quotes were written in the first two centuries CE and 1 Peter was written close to 150 CE.

The problem will be knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension as the Earth orbits the sun and is constantly rotating. By knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension we can plot where 90 degrees from the Mount of Olives is in relation to our position in the galaxy at that time.

Obvioulsy we can find out the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension by asking God as the bible says:

- Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you

- Matthew 21:22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.

- Luke 11:9 So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you

- John 14:13-14 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

- John 15:7 you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

- John 16:23-24 whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. ... Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

- James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

So PLEASE ask God for the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension and then we will be
able to calculate the EXACT PLACE where Heaven is and where Jesus is seated
at God's right side by using the science of those secular humanist scientists.

Seven Deadly Sins

Pastor Dale K. Whangke will be giving a sermoan this Sunday on the Seven Deadly Sins which will be accompanied by demonstration of each sin. This is an adults only sermoan so please leave your kiddies in the creche.

Christian Unthinking

Next Sunday Pastor Dale K Whangke will be introducing his new sermoan theme - "Christian Unthinking".

Thinking is a worldly pursuit that Satan uses to:
- undermine people's belief in the bible as God's Word
- cause one to doubt the infallibility of one's Pastor
- cause one to study at secular humanist Darwinian evolutionist universities
- cause one to lose one's born-again salvation
- cause one to commit all sorts of unGodly acts such as listen to rock music, go to art galleries, visit libraries and go to the cinema.

- cause one to become a Labour Party voter

- cause one to have worldly friends.

True Christians let their Pastor do all the thinking for them. That is why your Pastor is annointed by the Lord and receives tithes, offerings and love gifts. Your Pastor does all the thinking for you so that you don't have to. Your Pastor is your Head to whom you are responsible and accountable.

Evey true Christian is like the picture above - headless except for his Pastor.

May the Lord bless this, his holy word.

Amen!

2010 Minastry Begins In February

As you know, everything in Maitland and Wyrst Pentacostal Church closes down from Christmas to when our Minastry begins again in February 2010. The first sermoan series by Pastor Dale K Whangke in 2010 will be "Satan: He's Here! He's There! He's Everywhere!" This is also the title of his new book available at our Bible Store. Pastor Dale's book will be the guide for our Bible Study Groups next month.

"How To Highlight Your Bible" by Pastor Dale K Whangke

There is only one true Christian way to highlight your bible. As every verse in the bible is God's Word then you must highlight every single verse. Some people have asked me about the Index and page numbers. I highlight those as well because it's all God's Word. Those who miss a verse when highlighting are obviously trying to say that the verse is not God's Word.

Please report anyone with an unhighlighted Bible verse to one of the Elders who will deal with the matter.

INSPIRING SERMOAN ON INSPIRATION OF THE BIBLE

Pastor Dale today preached from the letter to James - "To the most high and mighty Prince James, by the grace of God, King of Great Britain, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith", then the Index, page numbers, topic headings, column notes and lastly the maps at the back of the KJV. This soldly proved that the whole of the KJV Bible is God's Word and divinely inspired and should be believed and followed 100% by all true Christians. Pastor Dale also explained that it meant that Queen Elizabth II was really Queen of France. KJV Bibles personally autographed by Saint Paul are available in our Biblestore.

Sermoan: TRINITY EXPLAINED by Pastor Dale K Whangke

The trinity is easy to explain. Jesus is God and there are three parts to God but it's still the one God. The picture above is sort of what God is like - Jesus with three faces. Now I know the Bible which is God's Word says that Jesus sits at God's right hand side and that Jesus and God send the Holy Spirit to us therefore the above picture isn't totally correct all the time - only when God appears altogether as the one person. Most of the time God probably looks more like the following picture.

God and the Holy Spirit look like Jesus but there are not really Jesus. Jesus is seated at God's right hand side and looks like his Dad ... and of, course, those lovely angels are all around them ... and under their feet. They aren't treading on the angels. The angels are holding them up so that they don't fall throgh the clouds and clobber someone. You can tell which part of God is God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit because of their supergod costumes that show their insignias. When you see someone with a shining golden trinagular halo then you know it's God.

These wonderful rminders of the holy trinity are avaiable as wall sized posters from our Biblestore. Get a 2% discount with the coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery.

Be blessed!

Pastor Dale K Whangke

IMPORTANT MESSAGE REGARDING THE LORD'S SUPPER

As you are well aware, Wyrst Pentacostal Church partakes of the Lord's Supper in the following manner.

A piece of dry bread or cracker is offered on a one only basis. In a simlar manner we offer a thimble of unfermented grape juice.Each person gets one piece of cracker or dry bread and one thimble of grape juice. No more!

It has come to the attention of our Godly Deacons that some people (they suspect the shifty poorer members of our church) have taken more that one piece of dry cracker or bread and more than one thimble of grape juice because they are hungry. Some of the same unGodly people have stolen some of the plastic thimbles which we have reused for the past 50 years!

This cannot continue to happen as it places an extra expense of few dollars a week from our multi-million dollar a week budget. As a result the Deacons will now be carefully watching for any unauthorised double-dealing or theft.

It has also come to our attention that some people have spoken against the Lord's anointed Pastor Dale K Whangke.

Some unspiritual people have question why our anointed Pastor Dale has a different Lord's Supper consisting of the best French wine and specialty bread ... with grapes. (Pictured above.)

The reason is that the Lord's anointed shepherd of this flock deserves to be richly honoured for all his hard work in preparing Sermoans, having business lunches and his many missionary journeys to the Greek Isles and to the Los Vegas casinoes.

This is a warning from the Lord: "Do not touch the Lord's anointed." - 1 Chronicles 16:22

Assets Sold

Due to tough economic times the above assets of Wyrst Pentacostal Church have had to be sold to ensure the financial security of Wyrst Pentacostal Church and Pastor Dale's Expense Account and Retirement Fund. This was confirmed in a word from the Lord delivered by Pastor Dale at last Sunday's sermoan.

Pastor Dale's Sermoan on "Triple Tithing"

Members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church know all about mandatory tithing for the Lord's work but in order for the Lord to bless you better you need to triple tithe. (30% of your gross salary)

Pastor Dale has finished building the Triple Tithe Barn as a halfway point for those who still tithe in cash.

The Triple Tithe barn is situated at the back of the church property. Just follow the sign.
Cash handling has resulted in many of the staff suffering from callouses and RSI. The coins take up too much room and are heavy to cart in the wheelbarrows from the church to the Triple Tithe Barn after church services.

As a result Insta-Tithe machines have been installed at the back of all church pews. Now you can tithe without carrying huge anounts of cash in paper bags to church. Cheques will still be accepted (particularly if they are blank).
Hundred dollar bills are preferred if you are paying in cash. (Rounded up to the next 100)Please do not place coins in the offering plate as they scratch the gold. Notes only.

Kiddies can also join in this valuable minastry using the above FREE Kiddies Tithe Money Box or our special Kiddies Piggy Bank available from our Biblestore.

Use the above diagram to explain to your kiddies how to triple tithe.Some have questioned what tithes are used for. Our edited abridged financial records are open to all quadriple tithers but are shown in the diagram above.


Remember, the Lord loves a cheerful triple tither.

Be blessed!


Pastor Dale K. Whangke