Pastor Tony Krabbott inspired to make Dale K Whangke biopic

Pastor Dale K Whangke has been pastor of Wyrst Pentacostal Church for decades. Pastor Tony Krabbott (pictured above) has now embarked on a true labour of love to bring the story of Maitland legend Pastor Dale K Whangke to the big screen. It's a story that just has to be told according to Pastor Tony Krabbott, Pastor Dale K Whangke's best friend and financial partner.

Pastor Tony Krabbott has no idea what a decent movie looks like, he has enjoyed the privilege of being a pastor and has absolutely no idea how to make movies. So for the Maitland man to even contemplate making a movie about the legendary Pastor Dale K Whangke is somewhat silly but it is inspired by the Lord so it will be awesome.

This year Pastor Tony Krabbott launched a campaign to bring the story of the Maitland icon and legend Pastor Dale K Whangke to the big screen after he bought the screen rights to Pastor Dolly Tittenhurst’s book The Anointed Life of Pastor Dale K Whangke.

Those unfamiliar with the story should know that Pastor Dale K Whangke dropped out of school at 15 years old and some early work as a sewerage worker. A few fiends and he went to Dubbo for a year travelling in a Kombi Van, exploring the sites. On returning home he was employed for 10 years in the pooper scooper industry. He then married in 1981 to his wife Elsie D. and in the next few years became the proud father of two beautiful kids - Adam & Steve.

It was during his extended time in a psychiatric unit, that Pastor Dale K Whangke felt the call to Christian minastry. His wife and family packed their possessions into two suit cases and moved back to where he started – Maitland NSW Australia - "The City Of Excitement". During this time he began studying Theollojy and received an PhD in Creationist Pentacostal Minastry from the Oz Christian Diploma Mill. Pastor Dale K Whangke is still gathering tithes in Wyrst Pentacostal Church which he planted in 1992.

Pastor Tony Krabbott is the producer, director and star of the film The Anointed Life of Pastor Dale K Whangke as he bears some resemblance to Pastor Dale K Whangke. Early this year, Pastor Tony Krabbott started training to play Pastor Dale K Whangke. He drinks Wysrt Pentacostal Church wine every hour, minasters to handmaidens and work is no longer a necessity.

But, of course, Pastor Dale K Whangke is not the only character involved in the story of the pastor’s life. There are his handmaidens, his financial manager, and his Lord. None were available for comment.

At the end of last year Pastor Tony Krabbott formed a production company to produce films as a minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. The movie The Anointed Life of Pastor Dale K Whangke will be available in our Biblestore for a mere $49.95 with a 10% discount for all triple tithe paying readers of the Waitland Muckery. Filming is expected to start and finish next month.

WYRST PENTACOSTAL CHURCH STALL AT MAITLAND SHOW

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will have a food / evangelisation stall at Maitland Show this weekend. We have a prime position on the extreme south of the grounds next to the Gents toilet.  Order our great witnessing tool  - the Cheesey Jesus Pizza - for an awesome $26.25.  This year it has lots more cheese. Praise the Lord!

You can be a VIP Vistor for a small fee of $83.75 and have Jesus sit at your table for 2 minutes. You can ask Jesus to quote his favourite verse from the KJV bible and tell you the many the benefits of being a triple tithe paying member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. How awesome is that! *[ Jesus is not allowed to answer any other question.] 

If you collect the free coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery you'll be able to get a huge 1.75 % discount of the Christian Kiddies Show Bag which retails for a low $14.95. *[Show bag and contents are as depicted in above photo.]

Another awesome minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

BEST CHRISTMAS LIGHTS IN MAITLAND

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has the very best Christmas lights in all of Maitland. They will be on from dusk to dawn every day from now till Christmas in the Marty Sparkes Memorial Car Park at the rear of the main auditorium.  (Marty died from an unfortunate electrical accident putting up last year's lights.) Bring the kiddies along and enjoy the awesomeness. This years lights are automated to Pastor Dale K Whangke's entire 2012 sermons that are broadcast through the loudspeakers. The lights blink on and off every time Pastor Dale says "Be blessed!" How awesome is that! Lights and Pastor Dale's awesome sermons for only $20 per child. A special Christmas discount of an awesome 2% is available for all triple tithers and families with 6 children or more.

New Greeter at Church Door

Due to the Carbon Tax all services at Wyst Pentacostal Church will become much more expensive to run. As a result the Lord told us that we should lay off all the members we had previously anointed and hired as Greeters and replace them with the knob above which is now a part of the Minastry Team.  The knob senses each person and greets them with a "Hallelujah! Be blessed! Remember the Lord loves a cheerful giver. Your tithes are due now." followed by a short rendition of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus.

Deacons are reminded that the batteries powering our new greeting need to be changed for each service.

Greeters have been given other minastries such as Lawn Mowing, Dusting, Painting and Gardening.

Another awesome minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Join Our Youth Group & Play Basketball For Free!

Join The Wyrst Youth Group and play basketball for free for a full 10 minutes for every 3 hour Wyrst Youth Group bible study attended! 

Another awesome minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

* Basketball not provided. Access limited to after 10:00pm Monday - Thursday. No lights provided.

Pastor Dale's sermoan this Sunday - Intelligent Design

This Sunday Pastor Dale K Whangke will be giving proof that Intelligent Design is true by the argument above and selected bible verses.  This sermoan was inspired by Pastor Dale's wife Elsie D and her daily nose cleaning. Pastor Dale describes this proof as a revelation from the Lord stating " If the Lord had designed Elsie's fingers a centimetre fatter then it would not be possible." All attendees will get a free pass to the Wyrst Ceation Museum provided that they are accompanied by a evilutionist who pays the standard entry fee of  $39.95.  Another awsome minastry from Wyrst Pentecostal Church.

Wyrst Men's Shed paints slums in Maitland

Wyrst Pentacostal Church donated 3 cans of paint from it's multimillion dollar budget to enable Wyst Men's Shed, Maitland, to paint three roofs of slums in Maitland.  Members of Wyrst Men's Shed played an important part in painting the three roofs seen on the right side of the photo (two red and one green).

"We have been very proud to have been called by Right wing multimillionaire Maitland businessman Horace Goosen to help out and be a part of this project", Teddy Bogmann, manager and work enforcer of Wyrst Men's Shed said. "Up to seven of our geriatric men have been working here about one hour a week when they felt like it. It looks nice and pretty even though all the roofs still leak. But, what the hell, they're only poor pagans that don't attend our church."

If you would like to be a member of Wyrst Men's Shed, Maitland, a valuable minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church, then contact our church office during business hours. All members must be prepared to engage in woodwork and metalwork for a minimum 40 hours a week without pay, with toilet and lunch breaks limited to a total of 10 minutes a day.

Another awesome minastry of Wyst Pentacostal Church!

New Financial Controller on Minastry Team

Please welcome our new Financial Controller Pastor Mickey Burns. Pastor Mickey has a long history in gaining maximum profits.  Members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church are reminded that tithing of 10% of their gross wage (or Social Security benefit) is only the minimum mandated by the Wyrst Minastry Team in order to be a full member of our anointed church.  Triple tithers get far more benefits such as an awesome 1 % discount on all items in our Biblestore.

Many members have noticed that Pastor Mickey looks a lot like our own anointed Pastor Dale K Whangke and that is because they are distant cousins.  Pastor Dale and Pastor Mickey used to enjoy outings together as children and often got driven through the slums by their uncle in his Porsche.  However the lines on Pastor Mickey's forehead are from age and the huge line on Pastor Dale's forehead is from his frontal lobotomy.

*[ Pastor Dale here. Dear editor, please remove that reference to my frontal lobotomy from the article before it is published. Oh, and by the way, the Minastry Team have decided to demote you to Toilet Cleaner (with appropriate pay cut) starting immediately. One of the kiddies in Wyrst Christian School has had a bad case of diarrhoea and it needs urgent attendance as the walls, floors and celing of the classroom are apparently splattered. Make sure you fix it up before close of work today.

Be blessed

Pastor Dale K Whangke on behalf of the Minastry Team]

New Year's Eve Fireworks

As usual, Wyrst Pentacostal Church in Maitland has spared no expense in this New Year's Eve Fireworks minastry to be held on our church grounds. Pastor Cecil de Mullet will be spelling out John 3:16 with a series of two dozen sparklers. At the stroke of midnight Pastor Dale K Whangke will begin his first sermoan of 2012. Fun for all the family.  Bring along an unsaved friend.  This is Maitland's very best fireworks for New Year's Eve.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Christmas Lights

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Christmas Lights may be viewed all this week till Christmas Day. Free admission. Free "Keep Christ in Christmas for Christ's Sake" gospel tracts. Fun for all the family.  Another awesome minastry to Maitland from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church Nativity Scene In Maitland Mall

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has a new minastry with an awesome nativity scene in Maitland Mall. It may be our last as the mall may be open to traffic next year and Pastor Dale doesn't want baby Jesus run over by a truck. Baby Jesus now has a guard dog after the dreadful scene last year where thugs dragged baby Jesus from his manger and crucified him on a telegraph pole. Baby Jesus has also had holes his hands and feet fixed with spack filler. Full story in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Come to our church and get a 10% discount

Offer only available this Sunday.  Bring your heathen pagan friends along so that Pastor Dale can convert them with his sermoan entitled "You're Going To Burn In Hell Unless You Like Our Loving Lord Jesus".   A special love offering will be taken up to pay for the discount vouchers.

Maitland Millionaire's Chapel

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's exclusive Maitland Millionaire's Chapel continues to be a thriving minastry. If you would like to join this exclusive minastry and have the required financial standing and willingness to give to the Lord's work then contact our Pastor Dale K Whangke who will organise a business lunch banquet to discuss your proposal.

Trust your Pastor Dale K Whangke

You can trust your Pastor Dale K Whangke with any private information at all because he is a pastor.  You can tell him anything about your sins and other private details. Pastor Dale is especially interested in hearing details about sins of lust, sins of gossip in your diary and sins of naughty passwords for financial institutions. All information will be kept in accordance with Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Privacy Agreement. * [Terms and conditions apply.]

Divine Organsiation Chart

Members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church should also note the next most anointed people under that chart, in order of importance and closeness to the Lord, are:
1 - Our anointed Pastor Dale K Whangke
2 - Pastor Dale's hand-picked elders, bodyguards and handmaidens
3 - Those in specially appointed minastries of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
4 - Triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
5 - The ordinary members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
6 - All other Christians who are really not true Christians but merely nominal Christians because they don't belong to our church.

Wyrst Christian Take-Away Employee of the Month

Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School Teacher Sacked For Pornography!

Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School Teacher Max Doot has been immediately fired as a result of pornography being found in his student's exam papers.  Chairman of Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School, Steve Meow C Tung, stated that such an horrendous offence deserved the punishment that has been given. Max Doot was suspended without pay and thrown out of Wyrst Pentacostal Christian Church in disgrace. All members of our church are warned to stay away from him.

PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN READ THE FOLLOWING DISGUSTING FILTH FOUND IN THE EXAM PAPERS .........

Christian Band "Cain and Abel" at Youth Service

The Christian Band "Cain and Abel" will be minastering at our Youth Service next Sunday night. Abel has just been released from hospital after falling down a flight of stairs for the sixth time this year. Cain said that his brother was rather clumsy but the Lord loves him anyway.  A Love Offerng for Abel's hospital expenses and a prayer for the deliverance of his malignant demon of clumsiness plus a testimony from Cain on how the Lord loves him the best will be part of the service.  All welcome. 1% discount on entry fee for all triple tithers.

Slave Wanted

WANTED: MALE AND FEMALE FUNDAMENTALIST GENTILE SLAVES

1. Wyrst Pentacostal Church wishes to purchase two Fundamentalist Gentiles as personal slaves (one woman, one man) for Pastor Dale K Whangke ... just like in the Bible.

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Leviticus 25:44-46
"Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inheritthem for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour."
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2. The male Fundamentalist Gentile Slave will be circumcised for free (if not done already).
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Genesis 17:13 "He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant."Genesis 17:27 "And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him."
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3. The female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave must not be not married or engaged as Pastor Dale K Whangke wants to use her for his own sexual pleasure. (Though if an engaged female is all that can be acquire we are prepared to pay the trespass offering, let her be killed and get another female. )
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Leviticus 19:20-22 "And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the Lord, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the Lord for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him."
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4. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves will not be subject to reselling.
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Exodus 21:8 "If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after themanner of daughters. If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money."
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5. Wysrt Pentacostal Church is willing to accept as a Fundamentalist Gentile Slave a debtor (or his / her children) who cannot pay back creditors.
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II Kings 4:1 "Now there cried a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets unto Elisha, saying, Thy servant my husband is dead; and thou knowest that thy servant did fear the Lord: and the creditor is come to take unto him my two sons to be bondmen."
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6. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may, themselves, own slaves.
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2 Samuel 9:10: "...Now Ziba [Saul's slave] had fifteen sons and twenty servants."
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7. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may have the Sabbath [Saturday] off but work 14 / 6 otherwise.
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Exodus 20:10 "But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."
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8. If a suitable female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is not found soon Wyrst Pentacostal Church may have to invade another country to obtain a female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave for free. We will let the invaded country keep the female's children, cattle and everything else to show that we are true Christians who are only following what "God's Word" says that we are allowed to do.
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Deuteronomy 20:14 "But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself"
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Our buying price for each Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is $1.99 (Aus)
All offers considered.
Please send photo, personal details (age, vital statistics, proof of being a Fundamentalist true Christian Gentile, proof of being a virgin) attached to your reply to this post.

Enrol your child in our university

Fundy University is an awesome anointed place of minastry where your child will learn in a fully supervised environment:
- Ceationism
- Detection of those who are not true Christians
- Demonolgy
- Adherence to a 100% accurate Bible
- Musicology (choruses and their demonic counterpart in rock music)
- Preparation for minastry
- How to have a personal relationship with Jesus

Make sure that you enrol today for 2011 and include your booking fee of $299.50.