This Week's Sermoan

Grab a milkshake at our Biblestore!

Milkshakes at our Biblestore are made from 100% pure holy cows raised on our own Dairy Minastry Farm in Maitland. Our milk is not contaminated by secular humanists.

"God Sleeping On A Boat" Painting To Be Auctioned

Colin Neel from the Maitland Societyoffartists kindly donated his painting entitled "God Sleeping On A Boat" so we could auction it to raise funds for our church extension - The Honorable Bob Gaggin Chicken Wing - which will cater for needy retired politicians and rich businessmen. The reserve price is $729,950 and the auction will commencve directly after the collection of tithes, offerings and love gifts on Sunday.

Winessing in Maitland Park Makes Witnessing Team Sick

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Witnessing Team have been active in Maitland Park and proved the sign to be correct. A dozen members of our Witnessing Team began vomiting after consuming a healthy chicken and prawn salad Helen Mooning had made with assistance over the last three days by members of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Incontinent Pensioner Club. The secular humanist doctors at the hospital said it was because of faulty food preparation as the chicken and prawns were left in the sun for several hours but Pastor Dale K. Whangke had a word from the Lord that said the sinful pagans that we were witnessing to made us sick - just like the sign said! Praise the Lord. Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members are reminded that tithes are still due even if a loved one is laid up in hospital as a resuolt of this witnessing campaign.

Exciting Men's Bible Camp

Pastor David A. Mooning was the awesome Guest Minister at the awesome Exciting Men's Bible Camp this weekend. We learnt how to be awesome real men for Jesus by voting for the Liberal Party and triple tithing. An awesome time was had by all!

Cecil Sawyer won the Lucky Door Prize of a free McJesus Meal but donated it to the hungry starving people in China who only have Chinese food to eat. Praise the Lord! Awesome!

Jesus Sunglasses

Just the thing for your Dad on Father's Day! 2% discount at our Biblestore for all triple tithers

Notice To All Deacons

When on Toilet Duty please ensure all toilet rolls are presented in the correct Jesus style as above.

"Half A Brain Preaching" by Pastor Buck

An exciting new book in our Biblestore by Pastor Buck who had a frontal lobotomy last year and still manages to preach five times every Sunday. A must for all staff members on minastry teams!

Become certified as a True Christian

Become a certified true Christian with our True Christian accreditation program for all triple tithers. A great benefit for an extra tithe! Contact the Church Secretary for details.