Creation scientists producing green bio-gas fuel

As you know, Maitland is plagued by cows. Their daily methane production is helping to cause a huge hole in the ozone layer.

Wyrst Pentacostal Churh Chief Creationist Researcher, Pastor Joe McDonald, has invented the Lord's Methane Collection Unit which are strapped onto cows to collect the methane gas and turn it into bio-gas fuel. The Creation Science Research Lab at Wyrst Pentacostal Church is currently trialling a similar unit for humans.

The Lord's Methane Gas Collection Unit is available in a range of colours and may be printed with your own bible verse. Available now at our Biblestore.

Present the coupon available in the Waitland Muckery's exclusive 12 page feature article lift out in this weekend's paper and get a whopping 1% discount. How awesome is that!

New Security Guard

Our new Security guard is Noddy Smith. Please make him feel welcome as you enter the Wyrst Pentacostal Church complex. Noddy was formerly employed by a mattress factory. He and his wife, Gloria, are triple tithe paying members of our church.

MORE AWARDS FOR MY BLOG!

Again this blog has won a host of awards as voted by an elite voting institution which has some of our elders on its panel.

These elders have now been promoted to the status of Super-Spiritual Elders. Their induction service is next Sunday. Full details in tomorrow's Waitland Muckery.

Christian Worship Leaders' Dance Step Seminar

Pastor Fred Carstares will be holding a seminar on dance steps for Christian worship leaders on the dance floor in the main auditorium next Saturday. Bring your Holy Ghost dancing shoes! (Available at or Bible store for $99.95 with an amazing 1% discount with the coupon in today's Waitland Muckery.)

Wyrst Christian School Demonstration

The elite athletes from Wyrst Christian School gave a demonstratuion of their athletic prowess in Maitland Heritage Mall yesterday. We are honoured to have Pastor Gary McDonald as our PE coach. He has instilled the wisdom of Lord into our students and taught them many valuable skills. That is why Wyrst Christian School is rated ....

Pastor Dale K Whangke to speak at local church

Our Pastor Dale will be speaking at the evening service of New Canaan Baptist Church this weekend. He will be imparting godly wisdom from his many years of minastry.

Grooming Seminar For Males

Dr Don Baker will be presenting a seminar on grooming for all males next weekend. Book now at the Church Office! Pastor Don is the personal groomer for a number of TV preachers in the USA.

Special Message to All Deacons

Please do not press the Armageddon button in the Church Office unless directly instructed by Pastor Dale K. Whangke.

All Members Welcome!

Christian Suckers available for Easter!

Our Biblestore has a huge range of Christian Suckers available for this Easter as an alternative to pagan secular humanist Easter eggs. Buy a pack of 100 and show the coupon from this weekend's Waitland Muckery and get a 1% discount. Awesome!

Seven Deadly Sins

Pastor Dale K. Whangke will be giving a sermoan this Sunday on the Seven Deadly Sins which will be accompanied by demonstration of each sin. This is an adults only sermoan so please leave your kiddies in the creche.

The Trinity Trio playing at this week's Youth Meeting!

This week our Youth Meeting will be led in a range of Jesus Jingles by the Trinity Trio from Hollywood, USA. They are on their annual world missionary tour and a love offering will be taken up on the night. (Paper money only!)

Our Christian School enrolments soar!

After our story about Nigel Brown, many other parents whose children were called "dummies" have enrolled in our Christian school. How awesome is that! Welcome to all our new familes.

P.S. Youn tithes are now due.

ATTENTION - All Deacons

Please ensure that our Fire Extinguisher is filled up before every meeting.

Wyrst Christian School - New family

Mr And Mrs Brown enrolled their son Nigel in Wyrst Christian School because the secular humanist Darwinian teachers in public schools said that he was a dummy and refused to enrol him. Wyrst Christian School gladly accepted Nigel who is doing well in Christian Obedience Class.

Despite media reports from ungodly secular humanists, it doesn't matter that Wyrst Christian School came last in academic achievement at the My School website. We train our students in Christian community. Real Christians don't need academic qualifications - just the joy of the Lord!

A special 1% reduction in schookl fees applies to all enrolments before April provided you are a triple tithe paying member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Christian Societyofartists Exhibition

The Christian Societyofartists will be holding an exhibition this month in our Little House out the back of our main Auditorium. Featured with be some of the bestest Societyofartists paintings available in Maitland including the above "Joy of The Lord" by Melissa Wurlitzer.
Christopher Ho-ho-ho (above) said that the main Christian Societyofartists exhibition is held annually in his barn at Beresfield during April but this was almost as good. You can also buy the art works for a minimum of $666 or have an image of them printed on a T-shirt. How awesome is that!

Any true Christian can join the Christian Societyofartists as long as they are white, heterosexual and Liberal Party voters.