Pastor Dale's Warning To Culprits

Security footage has revealed the two culprits guilty of pissing against the Wyrst Pentacostal Church wall!

Pastor Dale K Whangke wishes to warn the culprits about what the bible has to say on this subject:

David vows to kill "any that pisseth against the wall." 1 Samuel 25:22, 34

God promises to "cut off" anyone "that pisseth against the wall." 1 Kings 14:10

God promises to "bring evil upon thee" and to "cut off" all those "that pisseth against the wall." I Kings 21:21

God says that he "will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall." 2 Kings 9:8

Maitland Christian Men's Breakfast Speaker

This Tuesday's Maitland's Christian Men's Breakfast speaker is Pastor Todd Wunn, Ph D (Creationism) who will show photos confirming that the bible is true and the world is flat. The breakfast menu includes Coco Pops, Scotch and dinner mints. Book now at the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Office for the awesome price of a mere *$56.75.

* Cost does not include incidentals such as Parking Fee - $20, Table Fee - $30, Chair Fee - $10, spoon and bowl for Coco Pops - $15.50, milk for Coco Pops - $5, glass and ice with Scotch - $15, Listening Fee - $46.20

Pastor Dale K Whangke Unimpressed With Prankster

Pastor Dale K Whangke was unimpressed when thieves broke into the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Offices on Wednesday and painted out Jesus from the mural in his Executive Conference Hall & Christian Leader's Spa and stole $394 865.95 from the Petty Cash Tin.

Pastor Dale K Whangke was even more unimpressed when the same thieves broke into the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Offices on Thursday and painted out the the apostles from the mural in his Executive Conference Hall & Christian Leaders Spa and stole his Lord's Servant's three BMWs.

Phartists from the Waitland Society of Phartists will restore the mural in a "working bee" on Saturday. Waitland Society of Phartists' patron Maggie Oam said that the phartists would make sure that the Jews were removed from the original mural and nice white Liberal voting males were substituted. "We also plan to add a few special features to make it blend onto the Maitland culture. There will be a flooded Hunter River in the background and no Aboriginals. We have also decided to include the 13th disciple - Ronnie The Pious. .... Oh, and did I tell you how wonerferful I am?"

A sacred idol of Ronnie the Pious at the entrance to the Waitland Society of Phartists' Office.

Full story in today's Waitland Muckery!

Pastor Terry Smiles Proof of Change Through Minastry!

Pastor Terry Smiles, PhD (Creationism), will give his testimony this Sunday of how he changed from being a wimpish nerd to a warrior for the Lord. His sermoan topic is "God doesn't care how much you give ... as long as it's at least 10% of your gross wage". A love offering will be taken to assist Pastor Terry in his missionary journey next month to the heathen in the Sydney Casino.

Winessing Team In Morpeth next Monday

The Wysrt Pentacostal Winessing Team were out in Maitland Park this weekend and although no-one else was there we had great fun witnessing to the pigeons and praising the Lord with our signs. Next Monday we are going to march down the main street of Morpeth in another "Praisefest" witnessing to the thousands of people out in Morpeth on Mondays. Come along and join this awesome minastry!

Pastor Dale's Autographed Motivational Posters with every loaf!

Pastor Dale K Whangke is giving away the above two personally autographed motivational posters to every person who buys a loaf of Ezekiel 4:9-4:15 Bread from our Biblestore this month. Present a coupon from the Waitland Muckery and get a 0.01% discount!

Applications received for Wyrst Bible Diploma Mill!!

Our church secretary has been flooded with applications for entry into Wyst Pentacostal Church's new minastry - the Wyrst Bible Diploma Mill. All approved applications confer upon the applicant the title of "Pastor" and a "PhD in Creationist Sience" for a small fee of $950,324.95 payable over the next 50 years (exclusive of handling fees, management fees and an annual love offering ... and accrued 27.36014% annual interest on the loan). Please be patient as the elders check through every 39 page application to make sure all criteria have been met and your loan approved. Remember that there is an up-front $3,782 Application Fee that will be automatically forfeited if you do not regularly triple tithe for the rest of your life at Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Special offer for church members

God's Gym, Maitland, will give you a 20% discount and free bible if you join their 10 Year Plan before 30th February this year and present 6 coupons from the Waitland Muckery. God's Gym is run by opur pastor's son-in-law Bruiser Bob.

10% Discount on Chocolate Jesus

There is a 10% Discount on Chocolate Jesus all this month at our Biblestore.

Meet Jesus at our Coffee Shop

Meet Jesus at the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Coffee Shop in our Biblestore each day at 10:100 am (excluding Sundays). Jesus will sign autographs for all triple tithers. Jesus is a proud sponsor of the Waitland Muckery.

New small church minastry!

We have started a new small church minastry in Cessnock next to the cess pit. Visitors welcome.

Original Apple From The Garden Of Eden!

Our Creationist researcher, Dr John Vorstal, has just returned from an expedition overseas where he has found the original apple that Eve ate after being tempted by the talking snake in the Garden Of Eden. It is now proudly on display in the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Creationist Museum in a cooling unit. Dr John will be returning to the site later this year to search for talking snake bones. Please supposrt this valuable ministry.

Support our troops!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church is supporting our troops in the Crusades overseas by providing Christian bullets for every gun used. This is a practical way that we can show our love for the Infidels. Donations from our members' personal stockpiles are welcome.

CROSS IN SPACE

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has just launched the first "Cross In Space". This minastry will also broadcast Wyrst Pentacostal Churtch services 24 / 7 to every household in the world by jamming every secular humanist TV channel.

Discount at our Biblestore all this month!

There is a special discount at our Biblestore all this month!

A DOUBLE DISCOUNT is available for the following two books which are awesome best sellers.

A massive TRIPLE DISCOUNT is available with the coupon found all this week in the Waitland Muckery.

10% of all profits from this month's sales are being donated to the needy overseas mission "Pastor's Retirement Fun" in the Greek Isles.

Message from our Pastor Dale K. Whangke

Thank you to Saved Pastries of Maitland for donating a thousand decorated Christmas cakes for the poor and needy all with a message for baby Jesus reminding him that he was only born so that he might die an agonising death on the cross.

We again spent the Christmas holiday break at Wyrst Pentacostal's Pastor's Retreat in the south of France witnesssing to many of the locals and trying to determine God's will on which wine we should use for us in the Ministry Team's Communion during 2009.

I am now refreshed and ready to again minister in our ongoing crusade to convert all of Maitland before 2010.

Be blessed,

Pastor Dale K. Whangke

Open Air Evangelism at Maitland Mall all 2009

Wyrst Pentacostal Church is continuing its Open Air Evangelism minastry at Maitland Mall all 2009. We minaster to all people coming through Maitland Mall on a Sunday afternoon. Bullhorns are supplied and an intensive one month training course is provided by Pastor Wendy House. Sign up now for this awesome minastry!

New programs at our church

As usual Wyrst Pentacostal Church is at the forefront of technology and we have just added a new satellite dish to our small chapel so that our church members will have all the very best in Christian TV 24 / 7 . We have access to every one of the 7 542 936 praise and worship programs that have ever been made and hundreds more are being made every week. The usual admission fee will be waived for triple tithers. Make use of this awesome ministry for three days in a row and receive a free "I Luv Wyrst Pentacostal Church" T-shirt.