Visit our Christmas Decoration

The Christmas decoration atWyrst Pentacostal Church's "God's Waiting Room For Old People" is shown above. Bring the kiddies out and have a picnic underneath the cross! On New Year's Eve at 11;59pm the decoration will be burnt while we sing Jesus Jingles. An awesome witnessing tool and great minastry!!!

Our posters up around Maitland this Christmas!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church is erecting the above poster in all areas of Maitland. This mammoth effort is being sponsored by Hilda Moo John, turkey farmer and Maitland's candidate for the next Australian saint. Each sign will be erected on a crucifix. Our Youth Group is encouraged to meet this weekend armed with hammer and nails to help in this awesome minastry.

Proof of Satan!

The above photo was taken by Pastor Rod N Hart last Christmas in his loungeroom. It demonstrates that Satan is real. Santa is rebuking Satan and Satan is fleeing just as the bible says in James 4:7.

Pastor Dale's brand new throne commissioned next Sunday

Pastor Dale's brand new throne will be commissioned next Sunday. You can also have a photo taken of your child on Pastor Dale's knee after the service for $50. A wonderful Christmas gift that your child will values forever! Please note that the thrones are only for use by Wyrst Pentacostal Church pastors and approved visiting clergy.

Origami Christmas tree ball now in our Biblestore!

The Origami Christmas tree ball is now available in our Biblestore to decorate your Christmas tree. At a mere $4.95 it is great value and all the funds raised by sales go to help the deprived and needy in the Finance Department at Wyrst Pentacostal Church whose bonuses have been cut from the usual $20 000 to a mere $19 000. They have also had to lay-off the chauffers of their Bentleys over the Christmas season.

Have the JOY of the Lord!!!!

This Sunday Pastor Rob McDee will present a sermon on how to have the joy of the Lord. Pastor Rob is associated with "Joy Of The Lord Minastries" and has just completed his nineth world tour to evangelise the heathen in Los Vegas and the Greek Isles. A special Love Offering will be collected. Please only provide notes of $10 upwards as this makes it easier to count before Pastor Rob leaves to begin his tenth world tour beginning with the evangelisation of the heathen at Disneyland the next day.

Awesome Youth Group Concert

Pastor Billy Bob Jr will be the feature at this week's Youth Group Concert. Buy your tickets now from our Biblestore.

Visit Our New Cafe

Visit our new Cafe in High Street, Maitland.

AN AWESOME MINASTRY!!!!!!

Opening Hours: 10:30 am 11:00am & 1:30 - 2:00 pm Tuesday to Friday of every odd week in a month containing the letter "r".

New Church Members Please Read Our Guidelines

New church members please read Our Guidelines which are available FREE in the foyer.

What would Jesus put under his Christmas tree?

What would Jesus put under his Christmas tree? One of our books from our Biblestore. Use the coupon below and get 50% off or for half price - whatever is less.

Special thanks to the Ladies Book Ministry

A special thanks to the Ladies Book Ministry who have finally completed the blacking out of all naughty bits, mentions of evolution and erroneous doctrine from all the books in our Christian School's library. Bless you all for this awesome minastry.

Drinking Fountains in Bibleland Theme Park

If taking an atheist to our Bibleland Theme park in order to convert them please ensure that they only drink from the Atheist Drinking Fountains and not the Christian ones. We don't want our church members to be infected by atheist germs.

"How To Highlight Your Bible" by Pastor Dale K Whangke

There is only one true Christian way to highlight your bible. As every verse in the bible is God's Word then you must highlight every single verse. Some people have asked me about the Index and page numbers. I highlight those as well because it's all God's Word. Those who miss a verse when highlighting are obviously trying to say that the verse is not God's Word.

Please report anyone with an unhighlighted Bible verse to one of the Elders who will deal with the matter.

Special Biblestore Offer

With every purchase of God's Word we are offering a free "Get Nearer To Jesus Donut". These donuts are Pastor Dale's favourites. Totally awesome!

SPECIAL MESSAGE

Some pagan has parked children's tricycles in all of Pastor Dale K Whangke's parking spaces and cemented them in pavement and welded them to the metal fixtures. The Elders and Security Council are reviewing security camera footage to catch the horned culprits who were dressed in red suits, with tails and a pitch forks. The Lord is not amused!

Christian Societyofartists Exhibits worksofart in Mall!

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's own Christian Societyofartists have their worksofart in the Mall! All worksofart may be purchased for a minimum price of $5 000. Pastor dale's favourite workofart is the above "Thump Here" piece by Bazza Humphries. President of the Christian Societyofartists, which was drawn on an old paper lunch bag. Another awesome minastry!

Maitland Garden Rumble 2009

Once again Wyrst Pentacostal Church is proud to host the annual Maitland Garden Rumble. This year the Garden Rumble features hundreds of Christian Gnomes. How awesome!

Proper Entrance to Church Office

Tradesmen and multi-cultural ethnic type people are reminded that they must use the front door for all business at our Church Office.

Witnessing Across Maitland

Pastor Dale K Whangke wishes to thank our Witnessing Team for their valiant efforts in reaching Maitland for the Lord. The above sign was placed in over 10 000 strategic places all across Maitland. This is a might winess for the Lord and sure to bring in many people to Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Mistry Of Greeting Seminar

Pastor Greg Watson will be giving a special mandatory seminar on "The Ministry Of Greeting" for all our Greeters next month at our Greta Seminar Centre. Book by next Friday and receive a free *"Lord's Supper Meal". * Limit of one per booking.

Why does Wyrst Pentacostal Church support the USA rather than Great Britain?

Why does Wyrst Pentacostal Church support the USA? The answer can be seen on a comparison of the notes that both the USA and Great Britain use. The USA supports God whereas Great Britain supports that evil secular humanist Charles Darwin. That' why we only accept overseas missionaries from the USA.

Send your child to our Christian School

2010 will be here soon if the Lord does not return beforehand. Send your child to Wyrst Christian School which is an approved minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Your child will be safe in the care of our Christian teachers who are chosen for their adherence to fundamentalist dogma rather than secular humanist qualifications. Every teacher is a member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church where their tithes and offerings are deducted automatically from their stipend. The major benefit of sending your child to Wyrst Christian School is that ALL media is censored by our Grand Inquisitor Pastor Steve Black. Naughty words such as:
- c**k

- c**t

- f**k

- s**t

- w**k

are literally cut out from all media with the Lord's Scissors and shredded in the Lord's Shredder. No naughty word is ever missed - even from the Bible - under Grand Inquisitor Steve's godly gaze. No secular humanist book is allowed within a 500 m radius of the Wyrst Christian School Library.

We have a Godly curriculum that features:

- singing of Jesus Jingles

- witnessing to pagans and secular humanists

- A Bible verse quoted before the start of every lesson

- Creation Science For Dummies

- Revised Fundamentalist History Of The World Since Its Creation In 7 Literal Days in 4004 BC.

Our School Principal Gary S. Nivler is a graduate from Wyrst Teacher's College with a Doctorate in Jesus Jingles and Finger Puppets. He is Pastor Dale K Whangke's favourite nephew.

At a mere $35 000 a year for triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church this is an awesome bargain! Book now to enrol your child for 2010.

Christian Art Gallery Opening!

Last weekend saw the opening of Wysrt Pentacostal Church's awesome new Christian Art Gallery on our Maitland church property! Maggie May, OAM BS, opened the gallery with a 3 hour biography of her time as a patron for the White Australian Policy Artists Society.

According to the Waitland Muckery 15 000 people flooded the area though the elderly newspaper reporter tallying the entries went to be with the Lord after recording the first 10 people (the funeral service will be on Monday at our church hall).

The exhibition features Rusty Myers' "True Christian Rustic Roof" sculptures, Judy Schmidt "Wooden Crucifixes With Awesome Lord" and Barry Bolt's "Christian Cow Produce".

All entrants this week receive a FREE "Four Spiritual Laws" tract! How awesome is that! Entry is free to all triple tithers of Wyrst Pentacostal Church or those who have a 10 subscription to the Waitland Muckery. For all others the entrance fee is $24.95 (No Concessions).

Pastor Betty Brown Gives Testimony

Pastor Betty Brown gave her testimony this Wednesday to the Woman's Minastry Team about the Lord being awesome. Pastor Betty is attempting to break the World Record for the number of times "awesome" is used in church service. Unfortunately Betty did not not beat the world record which is still held by Hill$ong.

AWESOME BIBLESTORE BONANZA!!!!

Pastor George Petty's "Joy of the Lord" Seminar

Pastor George Petty will be holding a "Joy of the Lord" Seminar next month. Book early for this awesome minastry!


The first 10 people to register for this seminar will get a free Bible Belt and a 2 week subscription to the Waitland Muckery.

Jesus Putt-Putt Golf Course

We have opened our new minastry - the Jesus Putt-Putt Golf Course behind the main auditorium right next door to the Triple Tithe Barn and Holy Bank Account. Jesus quotes a favourite Bible verse every time you sink a hole. Fun for the whole family! A 1% family discount is available with the coupon in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

DIET WITH JESUS BY JOINING "WAIT WATCHERS"

Pastor Tubby Taylor holds his "Wait Watchers" classes each week in the Wyrst Fast Food Burger chains. Many parishioners have been helped in their dieting by this awesome minastry which teaches fat people to "wait for Jesus". Some members have been waiting for Jesus a long time and have lost lots of weight. Application forms are available on the wrapping of any Giant Tubby Cheesey Burger with extra fries.

Born Again Pet Service

The Wyrst Born Again Pet Service is growing in numbers. Pastor Dale's parrot, Pente Polly, is due for release from Rehab next week and will deliver an awesome testimony on overcoming swearing and filthy speech.

Robbing the Lord of his tithe!

The above fake notes have been found in the Wyrst Triple Tithe Barn & Holy Bank Account. The evil sinners who have passed these notes in our gold collection plates will be smitten by the Lord for robbing the Lord of his tithe. Security footage is being viewed by Wyrst Security Guards & Tithe Protectors in order to hunt down these evil doers who will be fined with an extra tithe and Sinner's Love Offering.

Cookin' With Jesus

An awesome new cookery book personally endorsed by Jesus is avaiable at our Biblestore. Praise the Lord and pass the mashed potatoes! Special 1% discount for bulk orders of 50 or more.

INSPIRING SERMOAN ON INSPIRATION OF THE BIBLE

Pastor Dale today preached from the letter to James - "To the most high and mighty Prince James, by the grace of God, King of Great Britain, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith", then the Index, page numbers, topic headings, column notes and lastly the maps at the back of the KJV. This soldly proved that the whole of the KJV Bible is God's Word and divinely inspired and should be believed and followed 100% by all true Christians. Pastor Dale also explained that it meant that Queen Elizabth II was really Queen of France. KJV Bibles personally autographed by Saint Paul are available in our Biblestore.

Pastor Dale's Missionary Journey Fund

Pastor Dale K Whangke will again go on his annual Missionary Journey to convert the heathen in London, New York and Paris. Despite the global economic crisis members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church are urged to give generously to Pastor Dale's Missionary Journey Fund as the Lord loveth a cheerful giver. The $10,5000,000 target for this year's Missionary Journey has yet to be reached by the time Pastor Dale's private jet takes off at the end of this month. Pastor Dale will send an autographed postcard from each of the three cities to anyone who donates $100,000 or more.

Sermoan: TRINITY EXPLAINED by Pastor Dale K Whangke

The trinity is easy to explain. Jesus is God and there are three parts to God but it's still the one God. The picture above is sort of what God is like - Jesus with three faces. Now I know the Bible which is God's Word says that Jesus sits at God's right hand side and that Jesus and God send the Holy Spirit to us therefore the above picture isn't totally correct all the time - only when God appears altogether as the one person. Most of the time God probably looks more like the following picture.

God and the Holy Spirit look like Jesus but there are not really Jesus. Jesus is seated at God's right hand side and looks like his Dad ... and of, course, those lovely angels are all around them ... and under their feet. They aren't treading on the angels. The angels are holding them up so that they don't fall throgh the clouds and clobber someone. You can tell which part of God is God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit because of their supergod costumes that show their insignias. When you see someone with a shining golden trinagular halo then you know it's God.

These wonderful rminders of the holy trinity are avaiable as wall sized posters from our Biblestore. Get a 2% discount with the coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery.

Be blessed!

Pastor Dale K Whangke

New Youth Service

Our new Youth Service features a light show and raps by Pastor Poop Dog DJ. Invite your friends and recieve 1% off next week's tithes!

Agreement with Sister Church overseas!

Agreement has been made for mutual benefit between Wyrst Pentacostal Church and a similar church overseas, the People's Temple, run by Pastor Jim Jones to become "Sister Churches".

Pastor Jim has a whole town named after him and is helping Pastor Dale K Whangke with moves to change the name of Maitland to "Whangke Land" in honour of our Pastor Dale.
Though now quite small Pastor Jim's church used to be a large church like Wyrst Pentacostal Church until a tragic accident. We are sure that Pastor Jim will again grow his church to a substantial size just like us.

Pastor Jim has given us enough red cordial to serve to every member in appreciation of our help! Thjis minastry is brought to you FREE from Pastor Jim's church. Be blessed!

Annual Bonfire Night & FREE POSTER

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will again host its Annual Bonfire Night next Staurday at 7:30pm in the church grounds. It has been such an awesome success over the past decades and last year five fire trucks were called in to contain the huge blaze caused!Each year thousands of secular humanist books are brought to the bonfire to be burnt and entertain the kiddies. Remember that all books must be presented to the Wyrst Firemen who first excorcise the demons from the books and then stack the books, and dose them with petrol before igniting them. This is another valuable minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

This year the above FREE POSTER is available to every member of Wyrst Pentacostal Church who subscribes to the Waitland Muckery.