Ministry On The Hunter River

As part of our evangelisation of the pagans in Maitland Wyrst Pentacostal Church has opened its doors to those frequenting the Hunter River near the Lorn Bridge. This evangelical arm of our church specialises in baptisms. This is the awesome anointed place to be this Summer in Maitland!

HSC Graduate

Creation science student, Tony Juan, showed his joy in receiving his HSC results by witnessing to others about what he has learnt in his creation science classes at our Christian School. Tony may have come in the lowest percentile but he loves the Lord.

How To Use The Bible

Pastor Dale K. Whangke gave a thrilling anointed sermoan for the Women's Breakfast Club about how to use the bible. Above is a page from our own Pastor Dale K. Whangke's bible and how the verses apply to every part of his life. He is surely a great blessing to our church!

Our Christian Ferris Wheel a hit!

Some visiting Missionaries from the USA were the first to try out our new Christian Ferris Wheel this week. In appreciation they staged a light show complete with burning crosses for our Youth Outreach. Our Christian Ferris Wheel is a minastry open to public from Monday to Friday at a cost of $10.00 per ride. On a clear day you can see right over Maitland to Horseshoe Bend.

New Christmas cards at out Biblestore

Our Biblestore has a new range of Chritmas cards that will help you witness to your unsaved evilooshunist relatives and neighbours over the Christmas period. 5% discount for all orders above 1000.

New Parking Attendant

Our church car park has a new Parking Attendant, sister Myrtle Houn. As a result of her inclusion on the minastry team the fees for parking in our church car park will rise from $7.00 to $9.50 per hour from this Sunday.

Annual Media Audit

Wyrst Pentacostal Church Elders will again be doing their Annual Media Audit of all member's households to ensure that no evil, secular humanist material is available in your homes over the Christmas season. All offending material will be ceased and burnt at our Christmas bonfire. If you are unsure about what materials you may view or own then our 9 volume "Unsuitable Material For Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members Manual" is available at our Biblestore. A must for all true Christian households! Be sure to allowe our Elders into your home or you will face instantaneous excommunication. This minastry has been approved by Pastor Dale K. Whangke.

New Clippy Software For Christians

New Clippy Software is available for your computer. Make sure you only use true Christian software available at our Biblestore. 10% discount for all triple tithers with a coupon from this week's Waitland Muckery.

Dr Bob Hoff speaking about Christian Apologetics

Dr Bob Hoff will address the Christian Men's Breakfast Club about Christian Apologetics this Monday. Dr Bob is Professor of New Testament Acrobatics at Attic Universutty, Texas. Make sure you book at the Church Office and put your order in for cornflakes, porridge or mush.

More Cartoon Alerts From The Christian Right Majority Elite

This will be fully expounded in the next sermoan by Pastor Dale K. Whangke this Sunday!

Tongues-English Dictionary

All new members are advised to use the Tongues-English Dictionary which is fully endorsed by Wysrt Pentacostal Church and available at our BibleStore

Volunteers Required

Volunteers are required to help remove the graffiti from around Wyrst Pentacostal's Gas Works walls. Some participants have not been happy that we have processed them in an implementation of Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Unemployment Solution.

Our Work For The Dole Scheme

Our Church Treasurer has helped get us into the lucrative Work For The Dole progrom where we help dole bludgers do decent work in return for the government giving us lots of money. Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Gas Works is the first to benefit from this scam .. er ... scheme. Our Work For The Dole participants are also given new unforms with a yellow star on them for identification purposes. This ministry is very profitable and we should be able to process many people in the Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Unemployment Solution. Our latest participants from the finance sector are finally finding out what it is like to do a decent day's work. To dob in ... er ... nominate a person for this ministry, please place their name at the Church Office. You can remain completely anonymous as usual.

Luke 4:16 -30

Then Jesus went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the sabbath he went as usual to the synagogue. He stood up and said "Here I am! It's me! God! I'm here to be worshipped! Let's sing a Jesus Jingle to me! Hallelume! Praise me! "All the people in the synagogue were suitably impressed with Jesus and invited him into their hearts as their own personal Jesus, someone to hear their prayers, someone who cares. And Jesus said "Go out and make all men ... and women ... fundamentalists. Those that don't convert to fundamentalism you must call hereticks, launch a Fundamentalist Inquisition and burn them at the stake ... in Jesus' name ... in true Christian love. "Luke 4:16 -30 (Fundy Version)