.................Pastor Dale K Whangke

New Year's Eve Fireworks

2011-12-29T22:22:00.000-08:00

As usual, Wyrst Pentacostal Church in Maitland has spared no expense in this New Year's Eve Fireworks minastry to be held on our church grounds. Pastor Cecil de Mullet will be spelling out John 3:16 with a series of two dozen sparklers. At the stroke of midnight Pastor Dale K Whangke will begin his first sermoan of 2012. Fun for all the family. Bring along an unsaved friend. This is Maitland's very best fireworks for New Year's Eve.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Christmas Lights

2011-12-18T23:15:00.000-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Christmas Lights may be viewed all this week till Christmas Day. Free admission. Free "Keep Christ in Christmas for Christ's Sake" gospel tracts. Fun for all the family. Another awesome minastry to Maitland from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Buy Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Communion Wine For This Christmas

2011-12-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what you have been drinking for wine at the Lord's Supper? Here it is! Our communion wine, Purple Death, is avalable at our Holy Spirit Liquor Outlet this week only at a special Christmas cheer price of $27 (being 3 cubed and thus spiritual). Ho ho ho! A free evangelical tract, "Keep Christ in Christmas for Christ's sake", is provided with every purchase. A special 1% discount is available for all triple tithers presenting with a digital edition of this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church Nativity Scene In Maitland Mall

2011-11-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has a new minastry with an awesome nativity scene in Maitland Mall. It may be our last as the mall may be open to traffic next year and Pastor Dale doesn't want baby Jesus run over by a truck. Baby Jesus now has a guard dog after the dreadful scene last year where thugs dragged baby Jesus from his manger and crucified him on a telegraph pole. Baby Jesus has also had holes his hands and feet fixed with spack filler. Full story in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Come to our church and get a 10% discount

2011-11-06T20:46:00.000-08:00

Offer only available this Sunday. Bring your heathen pagan friends along so that Pastor Dale can convert them with his sermoan entitled "You're Going To Burn In Hell Unless You Like Our Loving Lord Jesus". A special love offering will be taken up to pay for the discount vouchers.

Security Alert

2011-11-04T01:55:00.000-07:00

Please report all suspicious behaviour near our church grounds to our staff or security guards. In particular be alert for:
- secular humanists
- liberal Christians
- not true Christians
- Muslims
- homersexuals
- evilooshunists
- journalists
- Satan
- nontithers

The only way to protect our church from evil and the dark side is to be suspicious of anyone who is not a full tithe paying member.

Meet the pastors of our neighbouring church this Monday

2011-11-04T01:49:00.000-07:00

Meet the Dumases at our Monday Night Praise & Glory Meeting. They will be speaking about their recent creationist archeological dig to find:
- The Garden of Eden
- the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
- talking snake bones
- the tree of life
- the angel and sword guarding the tree of life.

Serve the Lord and win a prize!

2011-10-17T01:05:00.001-07:00

Pastor Dale's Sunday Sermoan.

2011-09-27T00:12:00.000-07:00

Next Sunday I will be reminding the congregation at Wyrst Pentacostal Church that we should not cease being vigilant against the works of Satan that still plague our nation. It is not enough to be waging a crusade against Islam, homersexuals, rock music and evilutionists. One must also fight against Commies who are about to invade Australia, our Land of the Holy Spirit, due to the Dominoe Effect. I'll be providing proof that a Crusade Against Commies is still valid for these last days.

Be blessed!

Pastor Dale K Whangke. (Chairman, Crusade Against Commies)

Phool's Gold Exchange

2011-09-19T00:30:00.001-07:00

As a shareholder, Pastor Dale K Whangke approves of this anointed minastry.

Maitland Millionaire's Chapel

2011-08-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church's exclusive Maitland Millionaire's Chapel continues to be a thriving minastry. If you would like to join this exclusive minastry and have the required financial standing and willingness to give to the Lord's work then contact our Pastor Dale K Whangke who will organise a business lunch banquet to discuss your proposal.

Trust your Pastor Dale K Whangke

2011-07-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

You can trust your Pastor Dale K Whangke with any private information at all because he is a pastor. You can tell him anything about your sins and other private details. Pastor Dale is especially interested in hearing details about sins of lust, sins of gossip in your diary and sins of naughty passwords for financial institutions. All information will be kept in accordance with Wyrst Pentacostal Church's Privacy Agreement. * [Terms and conditions apply.]

Divine Organsiation Chart

2011-07-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

Members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church should also note the next most anointed people under that chart, in order of importance and closeness to the Lord, are:
1 - Our anointed Pastor Dale K Whangke
2 - Pastor Dale's hand-picked elders, bodyguards and handmaidens
3 - Those in specially appointed minastries of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
4 - Triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
5 - The ordinary members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church
6 - All other Christians who are really not true Christians but merely nominal Christians because they don't belong to our church.

Pastor Dale K Whangke - Visiting preacher at Forest Hills Evangelical Free Church

2011-07-26T01:51:00.000-07:00

Our own Pastor Dale will be ministering in the Sunday Morning Service at Forest Hills Evangelical Free Church this week with another anointed sermoan personally given to him by the Lord. He also hopes to collect some donations for his annual missionary journey to the Greek Isles and gambling dens of iniquity in Los Vegas. Remember that the Lord loves a cheerful giver and a triple tither.

Warning Message for Christian Teens

2011-07-25T02:29:00.000-07:00

Pastor Dale K Whangke's Guide To Heavy Metal Satan Fingers

2011-07-22T03:26:00.000-07:00

Pastor Dale K Whangke gave an awesome sermoan this Sunday on the demonic meaning of Satan's Fingers. Patsor Dale has a new book and dvd series on exorcism of the heavy metal demon available at our Biblestore. Get you copy before they sell out.

Wyrst Christian Take-Away Employee of the Month

2011-07-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

Bible personally autographed by Jesus

2011-07-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

We have a limited range of bibles that have been personally autographed by Jesus available at our Biblestore. For a small extra fee Jesus will also highlight all his favourite verses for you and give you an invite to his Facebook page where you can find out about his newest books, dvds, cds and seminars. Triple Tithers get an awesome 1% disount on all products.

Message from the Lord

2011-07-15T20:31:00.001-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School Teacher Sacked For Pornography!

2011-07-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School Teacher Max Doot has been immediately fired as a result of pornography being found in his student's exam papers. Chairman of Wyrst Pentacostal Christian School, Steve Meow C Tung, stated that such an horrendous offence deserved the punishment that has been given. Max Doot was suspended without pay and thrown out of Wyrst Pentacostal Christian Church in disgrace. All members of our church are warned to stay away from him.

PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN READ THE FOLLOWING DISGUSTING FILTH FOUND IN THE EXAM PAPERS .........

Christian Band "Cain and Abel" at Youth Service

2011-06-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

The Christian Band "Cain and Abel" will be minastering at our Youth Service next Sunday night. Abel has just been released from hospital after falling down a flight of stairs for the sixth time this year. Cain said that his brother was rather clumsy but the Lord loves him anyway. A Love Offerng for Abel's hospital expenses and a prayer for the deliverance of his malignant demon of clumsiness plus a testimony from Cain on how the Lord loves him the best will be part of the service. All welcome. 1% discount on entry fee for all triple tithers.

Slave Wanted

2011-06-24T02:10:00.000-07:00

WANTED: MALE AND FEMALE FUNDAMENTALIST GENTILE SLAVES

1. Wyrst Pentacostal Church wishes to purchase two Fundamentalist Gentiles as personal slaves (one woman, one man) for Pastor Dale K Whangke ... just like in the Bible.

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Leviticus 25:44-46
"Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inheritthem for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. The male Fundamentalist Gentile Slave will be circumcised for free (if not done already).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genesis 17:13 "He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant."Genesis 17:27 "And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. The female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave must not be not married or engaged as Pastor Dale K Whangke wants to use her for his own sexual pleasure. (Though if an engaged female is all that can be acquire we are prepared to pay the trespass offering, let her be killed and get another female. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leviticus 19:20-22 "And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the Lord, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the Lord for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves will not be subject to reselling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exodus 21:8 "If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after themanner of daughters. If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. Wysrt Pentacostal Church is willing to accept as a Fundamentalist Gentile Slave a debtor (or his / her children) who cannot pay back creditors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
II Kings 4:1 "Now there cried a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets unto Elisha, saying, Thy servant my husband is dead; and thou knowest that thy servant did fear the Lord: and the creditor is come to take unto him my two sons to be bondmen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may, themselves, own slaves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 Samuel 9:10: "...Now Ziba [Saul's slave] had fifteen sons and twenty servants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. Fundamentalist Gentile Slaves may have the Sabbath [Saturday] off but work 14 / 6 otherwise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exodus 20:10 "But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. If a suitable female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is not found soon Wyrst Pentacostal Church may have to invade another country to obtain a female Fundamentalist Gentile Slave for free. We will let the invaded country keep the female's children, cattle and everything else to show that we are true Christians who are only following what "God's Word" says that we are allowed to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deuteronomy 20:14 "But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself"
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Our buying price for each Fundamentalist Gentile Slave is $1.99 (Aus)
All offers considered.
Please send photo, personal details (age, vital statistics, proof of being a Fundamentalist true Christian Gentile, proof of being a virgin) attached to your reply to this post.

Enrol your child in our university

2011-06-20T02:20:00.000-07:00

Fundy University is an awesome anointed place of minastry where your child will learn in a fully supervised environment:
- Ceationism
- Detection of those who are not true Christians
- Demonolgy
- Adherence to a 100% accurate Bible
- Musicology (choruses and their demonic counterpart in rock music)
- Preparation for minastry
- How to have a personal relationship with Jesus

Make sure that you enrol today for 2011 and include your booking fee of $299.50.

Special thank you to Madge Browne

2011-06-20T02:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Madge Browne whose pot brownies were awesome and led to an anointing that we have never yet seen at Wyrst Pentacostal Church at our social on Saturday. We spoke in tongues for hours. We have no idea how Madge cooked these in a pot but they tasted great. We are looking forward to her contribution to the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Cookbook which will available as a free pdf in time for Christmas.

Pastor Elsie McManus at Women's Meeting

2011-06-20T02:05:00.000-07:00

Our own Pastor Elsie McManus will be playing her anointed awesome songs in a minastry to women at our Women's Seminar on 4th July. Be sure to book your seat at our Biblestore and get a massive 1% discount for triple tithing. The first 10 customers will get a free year's subscription to sister Elsie's awesome magazine "The Women's Monthly".

Christian School Library Cleaned

2011-06-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

A special thank you to librarian Lyn Bogge for censoring all the naughty bits out of books in our Christian School library. There are now no photos of, or positive references to, sex, evolution, liberal theology, Harry Potter, rock music, abstract art, bible contradictions, pagans, new agers, atheists, agnostics, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, skepticism, biology, astronomy, geology, cosmology, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Barbie, SpongeBob Squarepants, fantasy, comics, Renaissance nudes, dinosaurs, fossils, Satan, demons, kissing. petting animals, the internet, the mark of the beast, barcodes, the International monetary fund, the Illuminati, Obama, Julia Gillard, the Labor Party, left-handedness, gays, Fred and Barney having a gay time, gun control, witches, fairies, smurfs, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, contemporary biblical scholarship, Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc. What an awesome anointed minastry!

Important Reminder from the Lord

2011-06-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

Our New Church Office

2011-06-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

Our Church Office has been redesigned and renamed to reflect the anointing upon Wyrst Pentacostal Church and its pastor Dale K Whangke. Please ensure you make a booking to see the Church Secretary and pay the appropriate booking fee in advance.

Error In Calculating The Time of the Rapture

2011-06-20T01:31:00.000-07:00

There was an unfortunate computer error made when calculating the time of the Rapture. Our creationist mathematicians are now recalculating the revisded time and the Minastry Team will let you know of the new date at a later time.

Public Announcement

2011-05-15T03:29:00.000-07:00

As the Rapture is occuring on 21st May 2011 all Church Services at Wyrst Pentacostal Church have been cancelled after that date but tithes are still due right up until that time. We have just 6 days to evangelise Maitland, the City of Excitement, with the good news that Jesus is coming back to kill all the nonChristians. A Welcoming Committee has been formed and all members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church are required to attend our Rapture Service in the Holy Ghost Outdoor Arena beginning at 5 minutes to midnight on Friday. Please come suitably dressed to fly through the sky with Jesus. We will have a huge ad in the Waitland Muckery on Monday 23rd May 2011 explaining why we have all vanished and how the rest of Australia got left behind.

Testimony Guardian

2011-05-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

This awesome application is now available at our Biblestore in Jesus' name. All triple tithers get a 1% discount.

Ordination of Pastor Peter Pecker

2011-05-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday Pastor Peter Pecker was ordained into the minastry. Paster Peter is now one of the ruling class. One of his first duties at Wyrst Pentacostal Church will be giving a special Seminar on Friday on "How To Pray For Parking Spaces Effectively". There will be a special practical application on Saturday morning at Greenhills shopping centre, Maitland. Book now to make sure you reserve your space in this awesome seminar in the name of Jesus.

New Christian Book

2011-05-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

The above book and cd are available for purchase from our Biblestore. This is a favourite of our pastor Dale K Whangke. All triple tithers get a 1% discount.

Pastor Dale's New Limousine

2011-05-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

Pastor Dale has a new limousine to drive around visiting pastors when they come to Maitland, the City of Excitement. This is a very special anointed minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church which advertises Jesus to the heathens inj our city

2011-05-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

True Christian Gospel Group This Saturday

2011-05-10T00:36:00.000-07:00

This true Christian group- will be playing at out Youth Service this Saturday night. Tickets available at our Biblestore starting at $99.99 for the cheaper seats.

OUR CHURCH STRUCTURE

2011-04-15T02:39:00.001-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Men's Shed Expo

2011-04-13T22:15:00.001-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Men's Shed is holding an Expo in the garage of Pastor Dale K Whangke's Maitland mansion this weekend. The Shed has around 900 members who participate in playing with tools. Work Enforcer Georgie Boyd said the shed was a great help in keeping undesirable pensioner gang members off the streets of Maitland. “They aren't allowed to come in and sponge and have a free cup of coffee and idle talk. They must work with the high quality tools that we lend them and their walking stick weapons must be checked in at the door,” he said.

The activities at Wyrst Pentacostal Men's Shed are funded by million dollar government grants. All the tools are hooked up to an electrical cattle fence when not in use so that the criminal elements in the retired population don't steal the tools.

Rapture Suit

2011-03-28T01:57:00.000-07:00

Buy your Rapture Suit at our Biblestore. One size fits all. Be ready for May 21st when Jesus will come flying through the sky like Superman to take us to heaven. 1% discount with the voucher in the Waitland Muckery.

Remember: The world ends on May 21st this year

2011-03-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

Make Jesus a friend on Facebook

2011-03-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

Why we have no women pastors

2011-03-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

WELCOME TO OUR WTF MARCH CHURCH SERVICES

2011-03-01T21:29:00.000-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church is having a WTF month featuring:

- Worship

- Teaching

- Friends *

Join our WTF services and be blessed.

*[ Friendship only applies to those who agree 100% with Wyrst Pentacostal Church dogmas.]

Wyrst Pentacostal Church supports Counsillor Ray Fairweather

2011-02-13T00:47:00.000-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church supports Maitland Counsillor Ray Fairweather in opening up traffic to Maitland Mall as reported in the Waitland Muckery. Counsillor Ray Fairweather brought us the wonderful psychedelic clock tower in East Maitland which so many people are talking about - though one should dismiss their talk about it being an ugly eye-sore that makes people vomit every time they see it.

Since the majority of stores are closed on a weekend in Maitland Mall it is the sensible thing to do. You can enjoy sightseeing the places of historic interest in Maitland Mall - the closed stores and those which are for sale and lease - in the comfort of your car as you pass from Maitland Mall to Greenhills where the shops are open.

You can also view the only excitement in Maitland "The City of Excitement" as depicted in the photos above all from the protection of your car safe from the numerous pensioner gangs that roam Maitland Mall beating up people with their walking sticks and trying to run over decent people in their walking frames.

Wyrst Pentacostal Church supports the law and order platform of this ex-Warden of Maitland Jail. Maitland needs to become a gated community for Liberal Party voting white Anglo-Saxon Christians who can't be bothered with artsy fartsy material and want everyone to return to the good old 1950s.

Bible toilet paper

2011-01-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

Now you can wipe yourself with the word of the Lord with our new product - Bible toilet paper. Make sure you read each verse before you use it to wipe your naughty parts. This made from recycled Waitland Muckery newspapers. As usual there is a 1% discount for all triple tithers at Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Australia Day less hot than hell

2011-01-24T23:38:00.000-08:00

This Australia Day will be the hottest in 31 years. Hell will be hotter for humanistic pagan sinners like you. You can escape hell by paying your tithes, offerings and love gifts to Wyrst Pentacostal Church. If you pay triple tithes to Wyrst Pentacostal Church you also get awesome discounts at our Biblestore. Remember, the Lord loves you if you are a true Christian like Wyrst Pentacostal Church members and not a pretend one or a humanistic pagan sinner.

Remember to join us for the LAST Australia Day ever!

2011-01-21T23:10:00.000-08:00

As members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church are aware of, Jesus will be coming back on 21st May 2011 to kill everyone who does not believe in him. This Australia Day will be the very last one ever. A special minastry of our church has been annointed by the Lord to provide the very best last Australia Day. See details below and add in the Waitland Muckery.

God smites heathens with floods

2011-01-12T00:23:00.000-08:00

It is obvious that the heathen are being smitten by God through floods in Australia. Pastor Dale K Whangke will be delivering a sermoan this weekend on "God Loves You - Drown, You Pagan Scum: The Lessons of Noah" this weekend. A special love offering will be take to reinforce the levee banks surrounding Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Australia Day Celebrations

2011-01-09T21:49:00.001-08:00

This Australia Day our Biblestore will have an added corner with Australian memorabilia for sale.
The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Women's Group will also be providing lamingtons with their tea, coffee and cordial. All items are anointed by the Lord and can be bought at a awesome 1% discount for all triple tithers.

Pastor Dale K Whangke will be giving an Australia Day sermon entitled "Bring Back The White Australia Policy".

COMPLAINTS REGARDING NEW YEAR'S EVE FIREWORKS DISPLAY

2011-01-01T18:25:00.001-08:00

Pastor Dale K Whangke is very disappointed at the unfair criticism of Wyrst Pentacostal Church's fireworks display on New Year's Eve which had huge crowds. Every person who attended was given a sparkler at great expense to the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Tithe Barn and a free lit candle was provided to light the sparklers. The sparklers were the main attraction at the fireworks display due to the Global Financial Collapse. This free service was provided as a minastry to Maitland residents. Attendees were also treated to an awesome free three hour sermoan by Pastor Dale K Whangke which was anointed by the Lord. It was a fitting ending to the last New Year's Eve ever as Jesus will be returning on 21st May 2011.

ATTEND THE LAST NEW YEAR'S EVE EVER!!!!

2010-12-28T01:59:00.001-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will celebrate the LAST New Year's Eve ever with a spectacular fireworks display in its church car park followed by a two sermoan by Pastor Dale on how you can tell that Jesus will return on 21st May 2011. Bring along your heathen friends to be converted as the fireworks spell out "Repent or burn in Hell, you sinners!" in the sky above Maitland. Gates open at 6:00pm. Jesus Jingles will be provided and our Biblestore will be open. Another awesome minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

Become a friend of Jesus on Facebook

2010-12-14T22:50:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Wyrst Pentacostal Church Jesus is now on Facebook. Become a friend of Jesus now or burn in Hell forever.

Church Closed for Christmas

2010-12-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church will be closed for Christmas Day and reopen for church services and your tithes in Januray 2011. All minastries will be suspended till February 2011.

Till February 2011 Pastor Dale K Whangke will be guest speaker at every church in the Hunter Valley area whose pastor has gone on holidays. Pastor Dale will also be minastering at all available retreats and seminars across Australia (if they provide appropriate 5 star accommodation).

Pastor Dale stated that the the love offerings received in this minastry should boost the funds for the Pastor Dale Missionary Journey to Los Vegas in the new year where lots of cash will be required to minaster to the heathens in gambling dens.

Remember, the Lord loves those who buy Christmas presents from our Biblestore. An awesome 1% discount for triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

Thank you, Maitland City Council

2010-12-01T01:33:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Maitland City Council for placing a caution sign on Cowpat Road leading to our church complex. Read all about it in the Waitland Muckery.

BREAKFAST WITH JESUS & SANTA - DECEMBER 4

2010-12-01T01:30:00.000-08:00

All welcome. Jesus will be signing autographs for a small fee. Jesus' books, dvds and t-shirts are available for purchase in the Foyer on the day. Another awesome minastry from Wysrt Pentacostal Church!

IMPORTANT MARK 16:18 MESSAGE

2010-12-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

Four Employees Sadly Missed

2010-12-01T01:20:00.000-08:00

The above four employees of Wyrst Pentacostal Church will leaving for missionary work at Disneyland, USA. They have spent years in ministry in our Chrildren's Church and will be sadly missed. Full story in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT BANNED

2010-12-01T01:17:00.001-08:00

Pastor Dale has issued an edict that all Wyrst Pentacostal Church documents be rid of the evil, Satanic, of the Devil font Times New Roman. Exorcisms will be performed on any employee using it.

Biblical Cosmology Seminar

2010-11-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

This Saturday Dr Bob Kowdust, PhD in Creationist Science, will give a seminar on the true cosmology of the universe as taught in the Bible. Dr Bob's 57 books and 43 dvds will also be on sale in the foyer. Please support this awesome minastry by a world-reknowned famous leading creationist.

NEW CHURCH BUS!!!!

2010-11-05T01:42:00.000-07:00

Our new mega-church bus has arrived and soon you will see it around Maitland. It will do aloop through Maitland suburbs daily before it's final destination -Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Book your seats now! 1% discount coupons available from this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Pastor Dale K. Whangke's Sermoans

2010-11-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

Our anointed Pastor Dale regularly receives messages from God which he passes on to us in his sermoans on a Sunday morning. If you don't listen to Pastor Dale then you don't know what the Lord is saying. Last week Pastor Dale told us how the Lord is saying to double our tithes to help support Pastor Dale in his missionary journey to the casinoes in Los Vegas next year. It will be an awesome time of anointing and spreading the good news to the atheistic millionaires in such evil places. Pastor Dale will require a new BMW and lots of cash in order to penetrate into the heart of this evil to preach the gospel. Please support this reminder from the Lord.

Green voters - we are a recycling church!

2010-11-05T01:30:00.000-07:00

Above is how our recycling process works. We find it a very effective minastry.

New suits available

2010-11-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

Rend-A-Suit is perfect for male deacons, elders and home group leaders. Order your suit from our Bible store and get a 2% discount on any second suit. Awesome value!!!

Get Your Bachelor of Arts!!!!

2010-11-05T01:15:00.000-07:00

The Wyrst Pentacostal Church Bible College is now offering a *Bachelor of Arts in Self Righteousness. Available only to Wyrst Pentacostal Church members. The course consists of 5 bible studies a week over 3 years (ful-time only). At a mere $63,963,75 a year this is a bargain! Another awesome minastry from Wyst Pentacostal Church. Enrol now for 2011!!!

* Not accredited with any institution but approved by the Lord.

You ask, we answer

2010-11-05T01:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, ask us any question whatsoever and we promise to answer with a Bible verse*. As the Bible is the infallible word of the Lord it contains everything you need to know. Email the editor of the **Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter with your questions and we will print the answer.

* Bible verse may not be related to what you asked.
** Offer available only to Wyrst Pentacostal Church Members who have subscribed to the $49.95 per month or higher edition of the Wyrst Pentacostal Church Inspired Awesome Newsletter. 1% discount for triple tithers.

Lord's Science Free Light Bulbs

2010-10-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

The *Lord's Science Free Light Bulbs are now available from our Biblestore for a mere $49.95. Triple tithers get a 1% discount. How awesome is that! * Light bulbs will not work if you do not have the required faith. If light bulbs fail to work three times in a row see the Elders who will anoint you with oil and pray for the gift of faith for you once you have provided a Love Offering of above $100. No refunds on this product.

NEW SECURITY AT CHURCH SERVICES

2010-10-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

The Multi-Zone Biblical Theological Detector is installed at all the entrances of all our places of worhip. This will allow the Deacons and armed Church Security Guards to protect our members from pretend Christians who are not true Christians because they don't believe the same as we do. Another minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Free Christian Tract

2010-10-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

Please use this free Christian tract to get more converts for the Lord in Maitland. Another minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

SCIENCE & THE BIBLE - PROOF OF HEAVEN

2010-10-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

Luke 24:51 Now as he blessed them, he withdrew from them and was carried up to heaven.

Acts 1: 2 until the day he gave his instructions to the apostles he had chosen through the Holy Spirit, and was taken up to heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

APPLYING SCIENCE TO THE ABOVE ....

IF Jesus ascended bodily to Heaven through a cloud we should be able to track him and discover where Heaven is.

JESUS IS NOW SEATED AT THE RIGHT SIDE OF GOD IN HEAVEN as proven in the bible ....

- Christ Jesus ... is at the right hand of God (Romans 8:34)

- Christ is seated at the right hand of God.(Colossians 3:1)

- he sat down at the right hand of God. (Hebrews 10:12)

- Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand (1Peter 3:21,22)

- the God of our Lord Jesus Christ ... seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 1:17,19-22)

IF Jesus travelled at the speed of light then he has not reached the edge of our galaxy - The Milky Way - which is 100,000 light-years in diameter.

IF Jesus ascended vertically at 90 degrees to the Earth then one can trace his trajectory in a straight line. This will be the same line as occupied by Jacob's ladder where angels went up and down from Heaven to Earth - Genesis 28:11-19.

Heaven will have to be within 150 light years from Earth as the above bible quotes were written in the first two centuries CE and 1 Peter was written close to 150 CE.

The problem will be knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension as the Earth orbits the sun and is constantly rotating. By knowing the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension we can plot where 90 degrees from the Mount of Olives is in relation to our position in the galaxy at that time.

Obvioulsy we can find out the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension by asking God as the bible says:

- Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you

- Matthew 21:22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.

- Luke 11:9 So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you

- John 14:13-14 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

- John 15:7 you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

- John 16:23-24 whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. ... Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

- James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

So PLEASE ask God for the EXACT DATE AND TIME of the ascension and then we will be
able to calculate the EXACT PLACE where Heaven is and where Jesus is seated
at God's right side by using the science of those secular humanist scientists.

FREE CHRISTIAN SHEET MUSIC

2010-09-27T03:23:00.000-07:00

Free Christian sheet music for viewers of this blog - minastry of Wyrst Pentacostal Church. Full sheet music available at our Biblestore at $5.95 per page. 1% discount for triple tithe paying members. How awesome is that!

UPDATED CREED

2010-09-25T04:31:00.001-07:00

REMINDER: Your tithes are now due

2010-09-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

Triple Tithers get awesome discounts at our Biblestore.

Pre-Marriage Counsilling By Pastor Dale K Whangke

2010-08-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

Our Pastor Dale K Whangke is a trained NLP Counsillor and available for hire in Pre-Marriage Counsilling. His $150 hourly rate includes free excorcism of the demon of lust. Pre-Marriage Counsilling usually last for the full 10 year manadatory courtship as proscribed in Wyrst Pentacostal Churches laws for those getting married. A 1% discount is available for triple-tithers.

Maitland Mall Ministry

2010-08-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

Join us every Sunday after church in our Maitland Mall Ministry telling heathen the good news that they're going to hell.

Wyrst Community Men's Shed

2010-08-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has a new ministry - Wyrst Community Men's Shed. This targets all the old geriatric men in our area who are only interested in woodwork and metalwork. The above graphic describes the type of tools that they like playing with in their years of senility. Membership is $520 a year plus $20 a visit and no-one is allowed to sit idly and talk instead of playing with tools. Police checks run on every membership application. Restricted to real heterosexual men only.

WARNING: Our tools and machinery are hooked up to an electric cattle fence to electrocute burglars who want to steal our expensive tools.

New Hymnal added to our worship service

2010-08-15T02:11:00.001-07:00

Pastor Dale K Wangke has received a message from the Lord to use the above hymnal at Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

New Full-Time Evangelist - W Bully

2010-08-15T01:56:00.000-07:00

W Bully is our new full-time evangelist. He's really quite shy and likes to hide behind his hood. His ministry will target homosexuals and anyone who is not Anglo-Saxon.

Jesus appears at out Cracker And Grape Juice Festival

2010-08-15T01:50:00.000-07:00

Jesus appeared at out yearly "Cracker and Grape Juice Festival" held in the Wyrst Pentacostal Church foyer. Awesome! Funds were raised for Pastor Dale K Wangke's annual missionary tour to the casinoes in the Greek Isles. Full details in this weekend's Waitland Muckery.

Please sign our Anti-Art Pledge

2010-08-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

Organ Party Invitation

2010-07-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Join us in worship

2010-07-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

Visit us to worship at any of the six services we hold each Sunday. Triple tithers get their pew reserved and a jumbo size thimble of grape juice at ever Communion Service. Awesome!

Jack Bauer School Of Pragmatic Evangelism begins next week

2010-07-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

Join up now! Another minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

New Drop-In Centre

2010-07-06T00:24:00.000-07:00

Wyrst Pentacostal Church has opened a new Drop-In Centre in High Street Maitland to minister to the ungodly heathen in our midst. They can come in a buy a Christian Coffee for $5 and get a free exorcism at no extra cost.

Try our new Jesus Burger

2010-07-04T19:08:00.001-07:00

Try the new Jesus Burger at our Christian Take-Away. Taste the delicious Blood of Jesus Sauce on a Crucified Minced Meat Pattie with the Lord's Lettuce and New Testament Tomato in a Bible Bun. Supersize with some Fries in Hell. Totally awesome! Only $7.95 with a 1% discount for all Triple Tithers of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Awesome new Christian cd!

2010-07-03T18:38:00.001-07:00

This awesome new Christian cd is available from our Biblestore at 3 for $25 or $7 each. These awesome worship inspiring tunes are featured in our Soccer Service of a Saturday morning. Bring your own vuvuzela and join in the praise! Win a free vuvuzela by buying a copy of the Waitland Muckery any day next week. How awesome is that!

Books Approved By The Lord

2010-07-01T17:14:00.001-07:00

Rural Outdoor Entertainment Centre

2010-07-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

Now available at our Biblestore. Fun for the whole family! An awesome 1% discount for all triple tithe paying members of Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

This Month's Banned Book

2010-06-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

The above Wicked Bible is banned in our church. All members with copies with be excorcised and excommunicated!

Be blessed!

Pastor Dale K. Whangke

Join The Crusade To Abolish The Arts

2010-06-21T19:54:00.000-07:00

The Lord wants volunteers

2010-05-16T02:43:00.000-07:00

Help the Lord out. The Lord would like volunteers for fundraising. Despite tithing and triple-tithing of loyal church members the expenditure on important items for the Lord (such as Pastor Dale K Whangke's new BMW & 3D TV) has risen dramatically and our marketting department has decided that it is time that our members panhandle on the street to raise more funds. We require at least another $50 000 a week to cater for the Lord's expenses. Free cardboard milkshake containers and signs are being provided to the first 500 volunteers. Hurry! This awesome deal will not last!

Secular humanist scoffers should be told that our dear Pastor Dale K Whangke only earns a mere $300 000* a year (excluding tax-free love offerings, gifts and assorted perks).
~~~
*[Total package may exceed millions.]

Testing at Wyrst Christian School

2010-05-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

Students at Wyrst Christian School do not participate in the national secular humanist testing that public schools have. Instead we have our own Dr Sally Sylee (PhD in Creationist Education) who tests our pupils each year. Dr Sylee uses the latest creationist techniques from the 1800s.

Another awesome minastry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church!

VISIT OUR STEAMFEST STALL

2010-04-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

Follow the signs on the railway lines to find the Wyrst Pentacostal Church stall at Steamfest.

This year, to celebrate 25 years of Steamfest, we are holding a Soiree Under The Spire on Staurday Night at our Christian Takeaway. It will feature gourmet cheeseburgers, Christian line dancing and our own Christian Clown Minastry. Grab a coupon from this weekend's Waitland Muckery or from our Steamfest stall and get an awesome 1% discount off the $35 entrance fee. (*Food not included.)

As a community service to many thousands of visitiors to our City of Excitement we have strategically placed the following helpful sign on every road leading to Maitland.

Global Warming Seminar

2010-04-10T02:39:00.001-07:00

Next weekend we are proud to present the Global Warming Seminar which will provide us with the truth about gloabl warming from our own Pastor Terry Hills (PhD in Creation Research). Book your tickest now at our Biblestore. Another totally awesome minanstry from Wyrst Pentacostal Church.

Godly plans for "Operation Wake Up" thwarted by Council!!!

2010-04-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

We installed huge speakers on the perimeter of our land and were about to begin "Operation Wake up" last Sunday when the police arrived with orders from Council to shut it down.

"Operation Wake Up" was our Godly plan to wake up all residents of Maitland on dawn each Sunday with some rousing Jesus Jingles and a call to worship just like those Moslems do.

Obviously this is an example of Godly persecution and we will appeal the decision.

Read about it in today's Waitland Muckery.

Jesus turns up at Bible study

2010-04-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

Jesus made a surprise visit to the Bible Study held at Rutherford. He did a few tricks with fish and bread and turned the wine into water. Obviously this is a sign that Wyrst Pentacostal Church and its spitirtual leadership is annointed by God!

Creation scientists producing green bio-gas fuel

2010-03-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

As you know, Maitland is plagued by cows. Their daily methane production is helping to cause a huge hole in the ozone layer.

Wyrst Pentacostal Churh Chief Creationist Researcher, Pastor Joe McDonald, has invented the Lord's Methane Collection Unit which are strapped onto cows to collect the methane gas and turn it into bio-gas fuel. The Creation Science Research Lab at Wyrst Pentacostal Church is currently trialling a similar unit for humans.

The Lord's Methane Gas Collection Unit is available in a range of colours and may be printed with your own bible verse. Available now at our Biblestore.

Present the coupon available in the Waitland Muckery's exclusive 12 page feature article lift out in this weekend's paper and get a whopping 1% discount. How awesome is that!

New Security Guard

2010-03-26T00:53:00.000-07:00

Our new Security guard is Noddy Smith. Please make him feel welcome as you enter the Wyrst Pentacostal Church complex. Noddy was formerly employed by a mattress factory. He and his wife, Gloria, are triple tithe paying members of our church.

MORE AWARDS FOR MY BLOG!

2010-03-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

Again this blog has won a host of awards as voted by an elite voting institution which has some of our elders on its panel.

These elders have now been promoted to the status of Super-Spiritual Elders. Their induction service is next Sunday. Full details in tomorrow's Waitland Muckery.

Christian Worship Leaders' Dance Step Seminar

2010-03-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Pastor Fred Carstares will be holding a seminar on dance steps for Christian worship leaders on the dance floor in the main auditorium next Saturday. Bring your Holy Ghost dancing shoes! (Available at or Bible store for $99.95 with an amazing 1% discount with the coupon in today's Waitland Muckery.)

Wyrst Christian School Demonstration

2010-03-22T20:23:00.001-07:00

The elite athletes from Wyrst Christian School gave a demonstratuion of their athletic prowess in Maitland Heritage Mall yesterday. We are honoured to have Pastor Gary McDonald as our PE coach. He has instilled the wisdom of Lord into our students and taught them many valuable skills. That is why Wyrst Christian School is rated ....